Friday, 28 September 2012

S*x and infertility



A lot of women comment that infertility takes a toll on their sex life.  I can understand that.  When sex isn’t a loving, spontaneous act, but has to be scheduled, after temperature-taking, mucus-monitoring, early-morning alarms to ensure there is time for the deed to be done, well, any spontaneity and a lot of the love seems to disappear from it.  It becomes a means to an end, a chore.  And sometimes, nothing more.

Once I knew that natural conception was first, unlikely, and then, pretty much impossible, the pressure was off.  Sex quickly became what it was before we began trying to conceive.  A normal, healthy, loving, fun part of a good relationship.  If you’re not at this stage yet, rest assured, you’ll get there.  And you can, and should make the most of it.

So last week, when I read an article that said after childbirth, you are faced with six years of bad sex, I’ll admit it ... I smirked.

9 comments:

  1. That sounds about right. And if you suffered a third degree tear, I might never be what it once was. :(

    I would smirk if I were you too. ;)

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    1. Ouch! I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I hope you know my smirk was more celebrating what we don't have to deal with than being gleeful that others have difficulties.

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  2. Mhmm, with menopause and IF already spoiling the years 35-40 I don't think the future will be much different. No matter what the outcome of this pregnancy will be...
    V

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  3. YES!!!! I still remember once we stopped TTC, our sex life became MUCH MUCH better. It was fun and it was really lovemaking instead of having sex. :-)

    Was there an article like that about childbirth? Geez...

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  4. I think in many cases sexual problems after IF go beyond the scheduled, "means to and end" sex, etc. There is so much disappointment that comes with infertility, sometimes loss of self-esteem, depression, anxiety, which could also have an effect on weight gain and then more self-esteem issues. Infertility also challenges the ability of couples to communicate. They might not desire a child on the same level, or they might not be on the same level in terms of what procedures to try, to avoid. Not to mention the financial stresses of those doing RT or the adoption process. All this I think can create distance, anger, resentment. It's great if deciding to stop ttc ends all the sexual problems, but often it's not that easy.

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    1. Yes, you're absolutely right. Many of the issues you've raised are critical when we are still in the midst of infertility, as opposed to coming out the other end when we (hopefully) start to see some of those issues resolved. I guess my points assumed that other aspects of the relationship are okay, and when they are not, then it can of course be problematic.

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  5. I feel the same way. Since I guess I still think statistically there could be a potential for conception from sex, it seems so unlikely after 5 years of trying that it does take the pressure of it. We can do it because we want to, not because we feel like we should. And I definitely just smirked ;)

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  6. I lost both my fallopian tubes last year and our sex life instantly improved (well, I after I recovered from the post-op infection), returning in fact to being like the first 2 years of our relationship where sex wasn't about trying to get pregnant. Having still failed in our baby making mission, we don't have a baby to kill our sex life either. Perhaps this is the infertile silver lining.

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