Friday, 3 May 2013

And the acceptance grows

I spent three days recently with my newly-five-year-old niece. We shared a room, which gave me some lovely quiet (or actually, not so quiet) time with her. Her cunning father ensured I had a cup of tea early in the morning as soon as he heard us talking, which meant I couldn't plead exhaustion and go back to sleep. We played some of the games I keep on my iPad for our visits - Talking Tom the Cat is a favourite, but increasingly she is swayed by peer pressure and media influence,and is diverted by the fairy princess who is beautiful but a bit boring (causing an old feminist to shake her head.) We had giggles in bed, running races up the street, and I just about bounced her off the see-saw down at the park. I took pleasure in the cuddles, her joy at seeing me, and in the calm act of reading her a bed-time story.

I also have to admit, I breathed a sigh of relief when she went to bed at night, or sat quietly playing with her imaginary little sister. And that was the only pang I had. That my sister has to daily hear her imagine that she is playing with a little sister she will never have. And a pang that she doesn't have a cousin or cousins around the same age either. (Well, not on my sister's side of the family).  But the pangs were for her and my sister, not really for me. Because what's the point?

And knowing I feel this way? Well, that feels like a minor victory - another mark of survival.

13 comments:

  1. I've been reading blogs from women like me who gave up that motherhood dream. I'm glad to have found company through this blog. Thank you for these nice posts.

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  2. I'm glad it went well for you. For some of us, just having children in our lives helps a great deal, even if it wasn't what we wanted to begin with. I'm just having trouble finding someone to "share" their kid/kids with us. :)

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    1. Yes, that is the problem. I see Charlie far less often than I'd like (she lives about an 8 hour drive or an expensive flight away).

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  3. I am glad you spent three lovely days with your niece!
    My oldest niece is also 5 (well, actually 5 and a half). Yes, fifth birthday is a huge milestone (=it covers ALL fingers of one hand.... I learned that in winter :)

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  4. Thank you for this post. I think it is a victory.

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  5. I consider it one hell of a victory.

    I'm glad spending time with your niece has been so wonderful. And that it can be just that. You're a strong and inspirational woman Mali.

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  6. A lovely little post. Like a cup of tea itself.

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  7. Glad to know you had time to spend with the little girl. :-) And here's to more marks of survival (victories)! :-D

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  8. Loved this post!
    I think you can take a huge victory lap!!

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  9. Definitely a mark of survival! :::raising a toast:::

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  10. Thank you for your post. Sometimes the sadness of IF is not about feeling the loss for yourself, but for those you love and their lost dreams.

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  11. I adore my nephews, but it would have been fun to have a niece. The Princess (as I refer to her on my blog) is filling the gap somewhat. I love going shopping for her at Baby Gap & popping an envelope with a cute new T-shirt and maybe a little book into the mail to surprise her. :)

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  12. beautiful post! We live near my husband's cousin who has twins who are now 7. They love Ross and I alot, esp. the girl twin, who gives us tons of snuggles and affection and always wants our attention. For us, it makes us very happy - getting all this love and joy from a little being. I sometimes wonder if people don't look at us with sadness though. But, they shouldn't. Because we are happy. And you have found happiness in enjoying your niece and getting to be part of her world and that's awesome. I think it is another checkmark for survival.

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