- Those who have suffered loss mark the birthdays or due dates or EDDs of the children they lost, marking their lives that never were. My first child, lost to ectopic pregnancy, would have been 11 by now. My second pregnancy would have seen a 10 year old. They would have played with their cousins this Christmas, the ones of a similar age.
- Every Christmas, I decorate my tree on my own. I buy a Christmas cake rather than make mine to give to the kids to decorate. I gave away the knitted Christmas stockings I had bought in anticipation at a market in Thailand many years ago. Every Christmas, even if for just a minute or two, often when I put the special "ectopic" decorations on the tree, I miss my never-born children.
- Whenever there is a fireworks display, I feel silly going on our own.
- I know I'll never go back to Disneyland. I would, if I had children.
- I'll never teach a child how to bake, to knit or crochet or make their own clothes, how to high jump or long jump or play netball or tennis, or how to play the piano or flute, or to tap dance, or introduce them to the joys of lbooks and language and languages - Thai, French, Spanish, Italian, Chinese - or show them the world.
- I wrote here about some things I'd never do. Still, every time I bake a cake, I think about how much I enjoy baking, and how I would be baking more if I had children.
- My husband and I are about to celebrate a major wedding anniversary. We will celebrate it alone, rather than with children and grandchildren around us.
- It's harder to make friends, new friends, without children, a connection to school or to sports teams or dance classes etc. And often we lose our friends when they have children.
- We see our partners interact with other children, and wonder what they would have been like as parents.
- The house can be deathly quiet. And some times of the day, or week, or year, we can almost hear the sounds of the children we never had.
I'm going to stop there. (Because this blog isn't about indulging the "what-might-have-beens" and this post will require a follow-up).
But could he read this, could anyone, and still say that because we didn't have children, we don't miss anything? Seriously?