Monday, 7 September 2015

Unselfish, unconditional love

Last week I visited my elderly mother. She needed to attend a medical appointment two hours away, and my sister who lives close to her was away. Last night, we visited my parents-in-law for Father's Day. We took them a meal they like but don't normally buy for themselves, and I baked a chocolate cake. (Twice, actually, but you don't really need to know that I threw the first one on the floor, as it slipped out of my hands getting it out of the oven!) My mother-in-law commented that we are "the only people they have." Practically, she is correct, as her other three sons and daughters-in-law, and seven grandchildren, all live overseas.

Don't ever tell me that the childless are selfish, when so many of us nurture and care for those who need it, without question, with love and support and generosity and thought.



21 comments:

  1. Isn't it funny how those who are seen as being selfish for not having children are usually the ones who are caring for aging loved ones? Glad you were able to spend some precious time with your family,

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  2. Very good point made. You don't have to be a parent to love someone so wholly.

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  3. I've just realised that this reads as if all I do is bring meals and act as taxi driver. There's so much more that I'm not sharing to protect their privacy.

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    1. After reading your blog for years I know that there is so much more than meals/driving. I am glad you spent some precious time with your parents.

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  4. LOVE this post, Mali. I'm actually on the reverse, though (with my parents, I mean). My brother and family live with my parents.

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  5. I don't know why we judge people...to have children or not is a personal choice...And it's nice to read that you are taking care of your parents and parents-in-law, not many people do that these days..Yes, not even people who have 'children' and are apparently not selfish!

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  6. Isn't it sad that in this world those who tut their own horn are praised, while so many others who do live their lives decently, and are kind and thoughtful, just go unnoticed? I know so many people who do so much for others, but never ask for praise, and I might go a bit out of my way to point this out to everyone else, because they deserve this praise, even though they say they don't want it.
    Whoever thinks that bringing meals and offer transportation is all you do does not deserve you wasting your time to specify there is more. 😉 You are very thoughtful, and very kind. And even if you do not have children, that is not what defines you, since you are important, and you do matter, my kiwi friend! 😘
    I should comment more, I know, to show my appreciation, but even if I don't, do know that I read every post of yours. ☺️ ( God, could I be even less coherent?! I am so not an early morning person. I need more sleep😩)

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  7. two hour drive. and back again. in that time you could cross my entire country! Today I went for coffee with a store bought cake with my childless aunt and uncle. They live close by so not much effort on my side, but part of the family and I do believe they have their own part in bringing up Suzy or legacy to impart on (to?) her, just as they were there for me growing up.

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  8. I didn't read this and think of taxi driver and baker only. I read how loving and care you are.

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  9. People need to stop judging what they don't know. I don't understand when people say that choosing not to have children is selfish, especially when they don't know just how much of a choice it was. Either way, there are so many ways to nurture. You did a beautiful thing because you are a beautiful soul. Parenting is one way to give, but it is not the only way, not by far.

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  10. This is such a beautiful message and very true I think. So often people do seem to make the wide sweeping assumption that childless couples are just plain selfish.

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  11. Absolutely, and I don't think there was ever a doubt in anyone's mind who reads you and pays attention. Even before it was stated, I knew that.

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  12. You are definitely so much more than a taxi driver! There is beauty in every day thoughtfulness.

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  13. So, so true! Glad you were able to be there for them.

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  14. There are so many ways to connect, to nurture, to give, as you so amply demonstrate.

    And, by the way, chocolate cake on the floor makes me wanna cry!

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  15. As you well know when parents get older, you become their caretaker and their guardian. It's a tough job, but one borne out love.

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  16. What a thoughtful thing to do, bring them dinner and make two chocolate cakes. It's a tough transition to be the caretaker of parents. I'm so glad you are able to be there for them.

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  17. It makes me sad to think that anyone would find you selfish. I know people *with* kids who are (sadly, unfortunately for their children) selfish ... having or not having your own children doesn't make that difference. Love, and a sense of duty and responsibility and generosity of spirit do. <3

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  18. Loving and caring oozes out here on these pages. Thank you for sharing.

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  19. Yep! Bless you for doing this for your mother & inlaws.

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  20. The love and care you show your mother/in-laws is beautiful. I've never understood why people without children are viewed as "selfish" - some of the most wonderful, considerate people I know (both online and IRL) do not have children.

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