Monday, 28 December 2015

#MicroblogMondays: The healing power of time



When I was fresh into grieving, beginning my new no-kids-ever-after life, being around children was a reminder of what we had lost, what we would never have, and so often the pain pierced us completely through.

Since then, twelve years have passed, and I now take great joy in my relationships with children, though sadly those are few and far between. We recently stayed with Charlie, and then a week later, had Charlie and her mum visit us. It was a joy, as our relationship took some new steps, and I think I’ve realised why. I’ve reached a stage where I no longer see (I learned not to let myself) Charlie, or any children really, as my possible child, and therefore I’m not reminded constantly of what I have lost. Maybe too, with Charlie, I see the struggles my sister has, and feel a slight degree of relief that I don’t have to deal with those, or the even worse struggles we all know are coming.

Time does change things for us, and stops (for the most part) the hurt - a fact I would have found hard to believe 12 years ago, 10 years ago, maybe even eight years ago. Now though, I am able to find real joy in being an important aunty to a beloved niece.


13 comments:

  1. I love this reminder! You are such a beacon of light. I'm trying really hard to not look at a child and think that he or she could be mine, but it's tough, especially for those kids that are closest to me (e.g., my sisters' kids).

    ReplyDelete
  2. It’s nice to finally reach that equilibrium, and a pity it takes so long to reach it. All part of the journey I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is a lovely post and a nice reminder that no matter how deep the hurt, we do heal, in time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. It sounds like you had a wonderful visit with Charlie. Interested in hearing more about the new steps.

    I think you're absolutely right about time, but part of that also is an active process on your part to heal. It can be so hard to do, especially early on when it's so easy to stumble. But in time, it pays off as we are able to move beyond the pain and embrace the good.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love this post. We haven't been actively TTC since 2009 and although it took me time I finally feel like I'm on the same page. Just enjoying other people's children, finding small reminders on how relaxing my life is without them, and keeping it all very separate. Good for you as well!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I agree with 35jupiterdrive - this is a wonderful reminder that the hurt will heal. Thank you for sharing it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love this message of healing through time, of readjusting the lens and enjoying your time with children without seeing solely through the lens of loss, of what-could-have-been. I'm glad you had a great visit with Charlie!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Such a testament to resilience and just hanging in there.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Joining the chorus. Total agreement. Thoughful and inspiring post.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lovely post and a reminder on accepting. Happy post :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm so glad you got those two visits, but moreover, that you two have such a special relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Happy New Year, fellow auntie! All the best in 2016. xo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Finally catching up on some blog reading & commenting! :p ;) We got to see the Little Princesses almost every day over Christmas, & while I did get the odd pang, I mostly just enjoyed them. So glad I have reached this point! Happy New Year, Mali! :)

    ReplyDelete