I read somewhere recently that goal-setting is demotivational – when you don’t achieve your goals, you feel like a failure. I immediately thought about the goal-setting we indulge in (and torture ourselves with) throughout infertility. We set arbitrary goals – "I want to be pregnant by the time I’m <insert age here>" - or we look at milestones, and say, “I want to be pregnant/have a baby by next birthday/New Year.” Is it any wonder that when we don’t reach these goals, we feel like failures?
It's almost inevitable, I think, that we take this feeling of failure into our new, no kidding lives, and then set new goals that may or may not be achievable, setting us up for more failure. Or perhaps, we feel cast adrift, lost and alone, when we don’t even know which goals to set. I know though, that since I have decided to try to appreciate the good in my life, even in the difficult times finding joy and love and knowledge and understanding, life has been easier. As a result, I am better able to cope with, and perhaps, better equipped to achieve in other areas of my life – just without too many of those demotivational, arbitrary goals.