tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post6656990105934594759..comments2024-03-28T06:32:27.436+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: The emotions of loss - Part 1Malihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-32197724554497398712011-08-05T16:50:32.740+12:002011-08-05T16:50:32.740+12:00Thanks Sandy. I appreciate this, and I do underst...Thanks Sandy. I appreciate this, and I do understand your emotions. All I can say is it gets easier.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-68133548519083147462011-08-05T09:59:48.966+12:002011-08-05T09:59:48.966+12:00We tried for 3 years to get pregnant and then gave...We tried for 3 years to get pregnant and then gave up. It took about two or three years to gently mourn the loss of not being able to have children but I wouldn't say the grief was devastating. More twinges and pinches. I counted myself lucky that I had come relatively late to wanting children and that I hadn't become as obsessed with fertility treatments as others.<br /><br />Six years later, at the age of 43 I found out I was pregnant and just as I was getting used to the idea (my husband was 49), I found out that there was no heartbeat and that I would be going through a miscarriage. It took a D&C on Boxing Day to finalize that.<br /><br />I was completely unprepared for the level of grief and that urgent need to get pregnant again. Dh didn't want to try again, we were too old, and the risk of birth defects too high. I was so desperate there were times that I caught myself looking at men on the street saying "he looks like a good donor, maybe I can just grab him for 10 minutes". Dh and I almost didn't make it during the worst of the times. We did, but it wasn't easy.<br /><br />It's been 3 years and I've been completely humbled by the experience. I went through infertility once so I thought recovering from the miscarriage and the resultant decision that we were once again childless/free would be easier the 2nd time around. Not even close, in fact, it's been much harder. It's definitely easier now than it was, but on the 3rd anniversary of my due date this year I was a bit of a wreck.<br /><br />Thank you for sharing your story. You are not alone.Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14922449945274834671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-71710669660265754092011-07-04T11:23:59.079+12:002011-07-04T11:23:59.079+12:00This is all so, so true. Thanks for sharing.This is all so, so true. Thanks for sharing.loribethhttp://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-37199289697007457082011-06-18T00:05:32.455+12:002011-06-18T00:05:32.455+12:00This is so well written, and shares some of the th...This is so well written, and shares some of the things in my heart too, but especially:<br /><br /> “From the moment you get that positive pregnancy test, it’s a baby.” <br /><br />our baby-to-be, had been alive and well in our imaginations<br /><br />Women who lose a pregnancy often feel an incredible urge to be pregnant again – as soon as possible<br /><br />I seemed to see pregnant women or newborn babies everywhere. <br /><br />Thank you for sharing this. Hugs to you.Kathrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03272307621143522274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-35407900531421368432011-06-16T09:24:38.577+12:002011-06-16T09:24:38.577+12:00With my last ep it had developed a yolk sac and wa...With my last ep it had developed a yolk sac and was apparently doing really well. Apart from that there's a reasonable chance it would have killed me if it had been left. I think eps are particularly horrible because you can be left feeling s sort of survivor's guilt that you're still around but the pregnancy isn't, even although rationally it's not an either/or choice.<br /><br />Mali - I've been through the same emotions as you but in a different order, since my first ep. I agree that most people don't get early losses at all, no matter how devastating they are to us.Sushigirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15692271287979209910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-88501013738346796582011-06-16T09:14:09.269+12:002011-06-16T09:14:09.269+12:00Bridgett, it depends what you define as a baby. ...Bridgett, it depends what you define as a baby. Tubal ectopics don't develop in the same way as a normal uterine pregnancy cos there is insufficient space, and blood supply to provide nutrients and aid growth, in the tube. So most tubal ectopics never develop heartbeats, though some do. The pregnancy though would have developed into a baby if it had found the uterus.Malihttp://nokiddinginnz.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-38429715720244244552011-06-16T07:10:20.733+12:002011-06-16T07:10:20.733+12:00i have heard this from women who have had miscarri...i have heard this from women who have had miscarriages.... it is a loss no matter what in my mind. <br /><br />i am still going through the grief of having had a hysterectomy. it drives me nuts that i still feel so sad, but i am learning it is something you can't fight - much like the grief you feel after a miscarriage i imagine.<br /><br />thanks so much for you sharing your story with us. It takes strength and courage.Nicolehttp://nicoleciomek.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-67053380243530457822011-06-16T02:17:46.073+12:002011-06-16T02:17:46.073+12:00Hmm. I do believe it is a baby, just attached at t...Hmm. I do believe it is a baby, just attached at the wrong spot. Am I wrong? I was told the same thing after my miscarriage by my mother who had no idea who to help someone else (a continuing problem). She knew better than to say something so idiotic after my sister-in-law's stillbirth.Bridgetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12843150280542615265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-37039484793260927602011-06-15T14:11:08.525+12:002011-06-15T14:11:08.525+12:00Once you see or hear a positive it is a baby! Hec...Once you see or hear a positive it is a baby! Heck, going through IVF, seeing the picture of those embryos, you are already in love thinking it is a baby! Well written...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-20679029433946433672011-06-15T07:28:18.738+12:002011-06-15T07:28:18.738+12:00Beautifully written and so true.Beautifully written and so true.Illanarehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05203774916178621215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-44141769122644523282011-06-14T22:53:06.910+12:002011-06-14T22:53:06.910+12:00Apart from the ectopic bit, I could have written t...Apart from the ectopic bit, I could have written this, from the indifference to babies around me to the positive pregnancy testStinkyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15656595158457726802noreply@blogger.com