tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post4598277261643880353..comments2024-03-19T11:45:17.341+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: The real success storiesMalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-12687425772534758032012-04-27T06:34:07.549+12:002012-04-27T06:34:07.549+12:00oh my goodness, you are absolutely not a failure! ...oh my goodness, you are absolutely not a failure! the if community can be very black and white, those of us who have had children and those of us who haven't, but there are quite a few gray areas. as for me, i was lucky enough to be one of the ones who got, and remained, pregnant. technically i am not infertile anymore, but that feeling never really goes away, so i'm not really sure where that leaves me. i guess, even though i have had a child, i will always identify as infertile.<br />iclwkateryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410997510633055266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-74470165019444382812012-04-25T19:15:46.359+12:002012-04-25T19:15:46.359+12:00You make some very good points, things I haven'...You make some very good points, things I haven't really thought of until now.... <br /><br />Thanks for sharing your thoughts.<br /><br />Hopping over from ICLW (#86)MoonNStarMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14105390387268299310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-86129647087766725662012-04-24T13:38:33.133+12:002012-04-24T13:38:33.133+12:00Hi from ICLW
I agree to your story about success,...Hi from ICLW<br /><br />I agree to your story about success, especially yours personally, as I can only imagine the process it probably took to reach it. However, I have to disagree that it is more successful. I think anyone who fights infertility and wins, whether with children or without, are successes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-73834179079517431992012-04-23T21:51:35.310+12:002012-04-23T21:51:35.310+12:00this post is amazing. my Hubs and I are just embar...this post is amazing. my Hubs and I are just embarking on one road, gestational surrogacy, that may or may not lead to parenthood. Our other road is adoption, and our other road is choosing to be childfree and be AWESOME Uncle and Auntie! Having spent 10 years trying to accept that I will never carry a child I know the chances for us are equal on all three paths and I will always, always plan for all three equally. You are certainly a success and you write about it beautifully.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-14889287318964569922012-04-23T12:23:19.127+12:002012-04-23T12:23:19.127+12:00Wow... I really, really needed to read this post t...Wow... I really, really needed to read this post tonight. I'm going through "the trenches" of infertility right now. After 4 years of TTC without a single BFP and 2 years waiting to adopt (and still no luck there, either), I'm trying to figure out what to make out of life. I especially admire what you said about women who are childfree and happy with their lives as the true success stories. I think that if I were able to find joy in my life again, it would definitely be success, as right now, I'm still caught up with the whole "I need a baby to be happy" feeling. Maybe once I leave my terrible thirties I won't be so caught up by the peer pressure and feelings of loss. Thank you so so so much for what you wrote. I needed to know that I can choose to be childfree at some point and still find joy in life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-942183257982745762012-04-21T02:37:54.786+12:002012-04-21T02:37:54.786+12:00This post was fantastic! I agree with you on so m...This post was fantastic! I agree with you on so many points!! We are the true success stories! What a beautiful way of putting it. I've been pretty content about my decision to stop trying now for a little bit, but every now and then I come across a post as inspiring as this and my spirit is renewed. I feel encouragement to be proud of where I've been and how far I've come.<br />And yes, we do get to sleep in on the weekends!!! :-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-36708131117707055362012-04-18T12:19:39.645+12:002012-04-18T12:19:39.645+12:00I totally agree with you about use of the word &qu...I totally agree with you about use of the word "luck" and I admit I felt slightly uncomfortable when I used it but didn't think about why I felt like that. You've articulated that for me, so thanks.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-64082505569823785052012-04-18T10:22:07.372+12:002012-04-18T10:22:07.372+12:00LOVE this post - I often tell people that the wors...LOVE this post - I often tell people that the worst thing about infertility is that it isn't like many things in life - you can't obtain success by working hard or throwing enough money at it like you can for that VP position at work, or saving to buy your dream house. It is all chance (I don't even like to say luck because it implies that those who live their lives without getting pregnant are unlucky). We have all spent many more dollars than ever imagined, and sacrificed our time, hearts and relationships to try and achieve a goal we may never reach. And while some haven't reached their original goal, they have chosen to be happy with a different path. And that to me is success.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-2032254734189557952012-04-18T02:54:21.477+12:002012-04-18T02:54:21.477+12:00Bravo Mali. I'm late in posting, but not in r...Bravo Mali. I'm late in posting, but not in reading. Would not our lives be made easier if we were not bombarded with looks of pity, or condescending words meant to convey a feeling that our lives are less than those of mothers? The very rational and intelligent part of me has always known this is not the case... that the world is full of women leading happy lives who have not had children, and yet I surcame to this all too prevalent societal perception. Sometimes I think that message of failure or a life lacking put out there by others has been the biggest source of my fears and sadness. Your words here, should be posted on every Infertility messageboard, website, etc. I for one think I'll share this link in a couple of places.IrisDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14120842144868527846noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-65896667391385493002012-04-17T17:31:21.908+12:002012-04-17T17:31:21.908+12:00Wonderful. I was hoping to convey something simila...Wonderful. I was hoping to convey something similar with Loribeth's story in my latest Faces of ALI post: that she's living a good, fulfilling and happy life. That her life is very successful. Because that is quite clear from her writing :)<br /><br />I really love this idea of redefining success. Just because I was lucky with treatments (and I know that's what it was) doesn't make me more successful than anyone else. What a silly thing to call people who've had babies "success stories"!jjiraffehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12223230253646995432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-25923905511552291442012-04-17T09:21:42.981+12:002012-04-17T09:21:42.981+12:00beautiful put :) So true and I appreciate that you...beautiful put :) So true and I appreciate that you've brought this to light in such a truthful and clear manner. Thank you for singing the praises of so many women. You are truly outstanding Mali!Nicolehttp://nicoleciomek.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-5569214968032532102012-04-17T06:40:04.879+12:002012-04-17T06:40:04.879+12:00What an amazing post!!
Thank you for this...altho...What an amazing post!! <br />Thank you for this...although we have not decided that we will never TTC again, at the moment, we are content with living child free. Don't get me wrong, I understand that "Taking a break" and making that final decision are very different... but, I do agree with everything you wrote! YOU are the real warriors! Living child free is not easy, I am sure, yet it doesn't mean you're depressed and pathetic... rather - you've moved on and are finding a new purpose for your life! I commend you, and I think you success story is just as inspiring as those than end in a baby -- because it means that infertility will not always rule our lives, no matter what happens -- we can find joy again! :)Bonhttp://myunassuminglife.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-67489515064399890022012-04-16T07:54:23.610+12:002012-04-16T07:54:23.610+12:00Wow! I am facing my last step and know that it is...Wow! I am facing my last step and know that it is my last step. As much as I want to be a mom, I can not justify going any further. So thanks for helping me see beyond my fear of the BFN. I keep telling myself that I am blessed either way. I will have a good life either way, but they would just look different.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-24927149340696073632012-04-15T12:13:41.127+12:002012-04-15T12:13:41.127+12:00Thank you very much for the post....I 'll look...Thank you very much for the post....I 'll look at the post again much later on, when I'm out of the 'black cloud' here... It is still raw for me even after two months when I lost my uterus (not by choice). I am feeling myself in limbo in all this time. Logically I know it is -OKAY- to live without children, but the heart isn't there yet. And it is much complicated with finding infertility blogs where women announce pregnancies here and there, and nothing about us who cannot have children at all. I think that's one of many reasons why I write my blog to push that women like us do exist out there and this shouldn't be a taboo to avoid addressing about. You know? <br />Thanks again..Wolfershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12937704236275533865noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-56397736477700054942012-04-15T03:09:32.502+12:002012-04-15T03:09:32.502+12:00LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! Thank you, Mali. I thi...LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! Thank you, Mali. I think back to when I first started contemplating my life after infertility (some nine years ago). It was scary -- pure and simple. I felt no support whatsoever because of everything you'd laid out here. There was no acknowledgement of women like us. <br /><br />What a difference today and what a joy to read so many success stories. We've carved out a path in what was once a tangled thicket, and it's all the more satisfying because we've had to do it the hard way -- without the copious support that greeted those on other paths.Pamela T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11474998003921896431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-46909860688242162552012-04-15T02:46:33.811+12:002012-04-15T02:46:33.811+12:00I think this post was spot on. You are 100% right...I think this post was spot on. You are 100% right -- I tend to avoid childless / childfree blogs because I don't want to think about my life ending in that direction. But WHY do I think that way? WHY do I hang all my happiness on my opportunity to parent? I don't have a really good answer for that. Thank you for the many good points to consider. Oh, and you are definitely NOT a failure -- in fact, I admire you so much more for being able to find happiness and peace in the face of what, as you wrote, is many of our "worst nightmares." I don't know that I am as strong as you are. <br /><br />Hugs,<br />JoJohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00671922064140460790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-40729572806697449062012-04-15T00:51:29.639+12:002012-04-15T00:51:29.639+12:00Thank you so much for writing this!Thank you so much for writing this!Sandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10096963201561831900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-64279861279725760612012-04-14T22:59:14.548+12:002012-04-14T22:59:14.548+12:00thank you for enlightening the perspective on this...thank you for enlightening the perspective on this! enjoyed reading it and the comments! :)myinfertilitywoeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00537466634453988773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-79843418018903941352012-04-14T11:55:20.125+12:002012-04-14T11:55:20.125+12:00This is an absolutely fantastic and inspiring post...This is an absolutely fantastic and inspiring post. I wish that I had read this years ago. What a fantastic reminder that success is out there waiting for everyone who manages to find their way through infertility, regardless of what is waiting on the other side!Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02747382929049494704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-33964035665207040962012-04-14T10:27:53.653+12:002012-04-14T10:27:53.653+12:00I think you're bang on. You go through treatme...I think you're bang on. You go through treatment, or fighting against IF, and it either works or it doesn't - it's not to do with the individual. Your life changes depending on what the outcome is, either way, but it doesn't make any path more or less valid.Sushigirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15692271287979209910noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-69944118512129706042012-04-14T06:58:57.494+12:002012-04-14T06:58:57.494+12:00I love this post! Here from the round-up.I love this post! Here from the round-up.Fieryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06477507213781894921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-68684078326147734552012-04-14T06:41:53.199+12:002012-04-14T06:41:53.199+12:00What a fabulous post!What a fabulous post!Holly Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17997242896526760676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-55300032866610189872012-04-14T05:05:21.338+12:002012-04-14T05:05:21.338+12:00I think you hit it on the head here - it's not...I think you hit it on the head here - it's not situation; it's attitude. The success story is resolving your infertility, however you resolve it. And because of that, I don't necessarily see any failure in the community -- just pre-resolution and post-resolution. Those are the two sides for me. And I see parenting a very separate thing from resolution. Especially since not everyone will parent a live child, will move on from infertility that way, even though they are obviously a parent. Loribeth is a case in point. She is Katie's mum and she will always be Katie's mum.Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-64801981273180575452012-04-14T01:26:57.700+12:002012-04-14T01:26:57.700+12:00Thank you for this post. It brought tears to my e...Thank you for this post. It brought tears to my eyes. A couple of years ago, I made a commitment to myself and to my husband to find happiness in our lives despite not being able to have children. I have done that, yet I never looked on myself as having suceeded in the ALI world as a result. You have given me a whole new perspective. Thank you so much!Kate Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03085332596007868197noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-55032056613638170432012-04-13T22:39:01.052+12:002012-04-13T22:39:01.052+12:00This is an amazing post. My TTC journey got a lot ...This is an amazing post. My TTC journey got a lot easier when DH and I started having open conversations about life beyond TTC and living without children if need be. We also see that we can have a happy, full life either way. But, I don't think many IFers see it that way. I wish we could skywrite this post.<br /><br />Here from My Lazy Ovaries.Her Royal Fabulousnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04008723588326617669noreply@blogger.com