tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post4930161566684243124..comments2024-03-29T09:31:53.769+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: Knowing better ...Malihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-75312461717536155042017-03-02T15:24:36.996+13:002017-03-02T15:24:36.996+13:00I think it might have been your blog that gave me ...I think it might have been your blog that gave me the idea of having a link to click to ultrasound photos. I think it's the perfect solution. You still get to post them, but you are also honouring both your previous pain and the current pain of readers by being sensitive. You are a perfect example of knowing better and doing better! Thank you.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-70800998293287824662017-03-01T16:35:22.540+13:002017-03-01T16:35:22.540+13:00I agree with you. This is why I choose to post my...I agree with you. This is why I choose to post my gestational carrier's ultrasound photos on a page separate from my regular blog post. I decided this a long time ago because ultrasound photos are a big trigger for myself. I have vowed to not show them on a regular blog post that would show up on someone's reader with the preview photo being visible even before they clicked on the image (as least true for Wordpress). I let people know that if they would like to see any photos, feel free to click on the other pages. I don't know if this is the right way or not, but I am doing it because I feel that this is the best way to handle it for myself. I got ambushed by fellow bloggers' ultrasound photos one too many times.Isabellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04800117245703041299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-48401136396067967252017-02-27T05:04:02.043+13:002017-02-27T05:04:02.043+13:00Oh, holy jeezum...that email. How can you hear &qu...Oh, holy jeezum...that email. How can you hear "I just had my second ectopic" and then go forward with sending the joyful news complete with scan IMMEDIATELY? Not that people should be squelched, but wow, the insensitivity of the timing is unbelievable. <br /><br />I struggle with scans myself, and with what I would have done had I been able to have a happy one. I'd like to believe I'd be sensitive and limited in my showings, but honestly I think it would have depended on when everything came together. If it was earlier in my journey, before I was quite so aware of the different outcomes and the depth of losses that can be endured, I'm not sure I would have thought about it. I hope I would have, but there's no way of knowing. <br /><br />I feel like it's a hard balance -- I fully support women who have struggled to get pregnant writing about pregnancy and parenthood from an honest, no-holds-barred perspective, and this feeling of "I've waited so long for this moment, it's my turn now" is understandable, but I get your point. Totally. I have been side-swiped by ultrasound pictures in blogs before, which is one reason why I took the photo preview off my blogroll. I do appreciate a heads up so I can choose to look or not. And, for some reason, late scans have less of an impact than early ones (but for someone else the opposite may be true). <br /><br />I agree that there is a level of sensitivity eradicated by the public sharing of the scans. Their prevalence on facebook and in announcements (or on the table at a baby shower) is mystifying to me, because it really is such a bizarre thing, to share your innards. <br /><br />I am glad you wrote this post and then hit the orange "publish" button. I'm glad that even though it is a risk, you put these feelings out there, this thought out there, so that there can be a conversation. You're not saying "don't do it," I feel -- you're more saying "When you do this, it makes me (and others) feel this way, and I don't understand it." Very thought-provoking but also kind and sensitive on your own part. Great post. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-49601663906325507782017-02-27T04:03:59.767+13:002017-02-27T04:03:59.767+13:00I agree completely. It's a decision not to car...I agree completely. It's a decision not to care, as you say - it's more or less ego winning over empathy, I think. And that's a killer last line you have there: "I like to think that when we know better, we do better." Me too. I don't think that just because you go through infertility hell you then have a license to do all the things that you hated others doing only months earlier. And in the face of all the (possibly/probably still infertile) readers who supported and agreed with you throughout said infertility hell? You're then going to wave your scan in their faces? Nah, not cool. As for scans in general: I absolutely have zero interest - pregnant women of the world, your scans are for immediate family only. Please. Different Shoreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01552043510975777003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-82011682235930916822017-02-27T01:05:15.753+13:002017-02-27T01:05:15.753+13:00I agree on all counts! I do hold my fellow infert...I agree on all counts! I do hold my fellow infertility sisters (regardless of how their infertility was resolved) to a higher standard. I get their excitement. They should be excited. But they should also exercise compassion. I can give couples that got pregnant easily and who never experienced loss a bit of a pass because it's a problem of lack of knowledge, but I'm less forgiving of those who do know and do it anyway.<br /><br />I'm also with you in the thinking that those who went on to get pregnant/are parenting shouldn't have to offer disclaimers. When you read their blog you know that their situation and that there's a decent chance that they will talk about their kids/pregnancy. I very much prefer real, genuine people. Parenting and pregnancy aren't glitter and unicorns all the time.<br /><br />One of my very good friends who struggled with infertility and several miscarriages and was very open about all of it shared information about her pregnancy (including scan pictures) in the most sensitive way I've seen. She would update her FB status something to the effect of "Appointment today. Mama and baby are doing great. See comments for scan picture and details." Now, if I were in her shoes, I probably wouldn't have shared as much as she did, and definitely not the scan pictures, but I did appreciate her sensitivity and knowing there would at least be one person that I didn't have to worry about logging on and being smacked in the face with a scan picture.BentNotBrokenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10151724076659555122noreply@blogger.com