tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post5004886614990752779..comments2024-03-28T06:32:27.436+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: Banishing intrusive thoughtsMalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-6115609387292825492017-02-09T13:34:03.699+13:002017-02-09T13:34:03.699+13:00I think your comment over there was great. I thin...I think your comment over there was great. I think she was in an honest place -- she's still in a space where appreciating also makes her feel sad. But it's nice to hear that life continues, that feelings change, that how everything is now is not the way it will always be.Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-81203751789561672782017-02-09T04:56:37.440+13:002017-02-09T04:56:37.440+13:00Dear Mali, can you read thoughts? It is only a few...Dear Mali, can you read thoughts? It is only a few days ago that I admitted that I actually do not want kids anymore now. I have been through so much (for example grief) and I now give myself permission (or try) to be happy with what IS. I wrote a post about it, but had to work around those exact words (not wanting kids anymore) because - as I realized later - I was actually afraid! Afraid of this meaning that I never wanted children badly enough in the first place. Afraid of other people thinking I might not really have wanted them. I certainly did (want them). It actually shocked me in hindsight how desperate I had become and in what kind of a tunnel I had been. How can I get scared by feeling better and having let go now? The human heart is a strange thing.Elainehttp://www.elaineok.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-56399639249797852442017-02-08T23:44:06.402+13:002017-02-08T23:44:06.402+13:00yes I get this, it's such a complicated feelin...yes I get this, it's such a complicated feeling! I'd been talking to some friends recently who were telling me how hard things have been (zero sleep, crying babies, sick kids etc) and I didn't envy them. And I had a really fun weekend and just enjoyed the freedom of being able to be spontaneous and do whatever I liked, going out dancing etc. But then I felt guilty that if I was enjoying it too much maybe it means that I'm not cut out to be a mother after all or that I don't actually want kids as much as I thought! dublinerinDeutschlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14804856792598440633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-69042027538068722912017-02-08T14:35:18.521+13:002017-02-08T14:35:18.521+13:00How I love your second to last paragraph. I am not...How I love your second to last paragraph. I am not resolved, but I occasionally have moments of doubt where I wonder, "did I do enough? What if I had...? What if I didn't do everything I could?" and it is so true that those thoughts disintegrate and betray every incredibly thoughtful choice, every path that was foisted (since infertility wasn't our choice, after all), every piece of me that has gone into where we are today. And when we are resolved, in whatever way that happens, I hope that I can move from that stage of wanting and striving to accepting what is, knowing that I absolutely did "enough," that my life whether it's with children or without will be wonderful. I look forward to that stage quite a bit. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-12000538462802562582017-02-08T01:41:39.780+13:002017-02-08T01:41:39.780+13:00Your thoughts and advice are relevant for many lif...Your thoughts and advice are relevant for many life choices, decisions, outcomes. One does have to carry on in the best way possible, what is best for them and those closest to them. <br /><br />Bravura. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-532796526947497282017-02-07T06:14:22.069+13:002017-02-07T06:14:22.069+13:00I agree with the comment that you left under the L...I agree with the comment that you left under the LWB post, that appreciating the good things about a life without kids just means we’re making the most of what we have, not that we didn't want them. I don't feel any guilt about it per se, but I often feel like I should behave in a way that matches society's (and most of the ALI community's) perceptions of someone who was infertile and couldn't have children: ie, that I should be writing about being broken-hearted, empty-armed; about my life having no meaning etc. I admit that a lot of the ALI blogging community are at the back of my mind when I write about any benefits of being childfree. Is it because our cohort is the smallest one in the community (the least vocal?), that I feel a bit weird writing these things; is that why it feels a bit maverick or something? <br />But I refuse to be a person who doesn't move on from it. I understand that everyone needs to grieve, and I myself had a rocky five years, but I won't let this thing overshadow the rest of my life. I agree that we probably all work through the initial bleak stage eventually, luckily, and hopefully this commentor will too. <br />Whenever I feel a flicker of "gah did I do the right thing?", for example when you read a comment like that, or when some parent crows "Nothing else matters in life!", I remind myself that I COULDN'T have children. It wasn't that I decided not to have them outright - I think I forget this sometimes, as time passes (sounds stupid but I do have to remind myself sometimes). We all tried, it didn't work out and now we need to enjoy living the lives we have. Living the best life possible. <br />Sorry for rambling!https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16936131757889957955noreply@blogger.com