tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post5038938273994928600..comments2024-03-29T09:31:53.769+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: Being alone - or not - in our old ageMalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-6012637722950692492017-03-13T12:06:24.359+13:002017-03-13T12:06:24.359+13:00Being closer to extended family as we age was one ...Being closer to extended family as we age was one big reason why we decided to move last year. We HOPE that the nephews will step in to visit & help us out in the years to come, although we know there are no guarantees (& they will likely be busy enough with their own parents & in-laws...!). But we figured it was more likely to happen if we lived closer and made the effort to build those relationships now versus 20 years from now. loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-63692227036316335122017-03-10T14:10:00.609+13:002017-03-10T14:10:00.609+13:00I like what you said here, especially the advantag...I like what you said here, especially the advantage part. I think when you know you don't have someone who will have some kind of filial duty to you as a parent in your old age, that you're right -- you probably prep more for eventualities in that stage of life than if you can lean on a son or daughter or whoever. I think though that there's people who plan and people who don't, regardless. I worry about undue pressure on a child if we are successful adopting, because we are starting late and when we are in our 70s our child will be in their 30s, possibly just starting to figure out their own lives, and who knows what the future will bring for any of us? I think finding that network like Deathstar said is a great idea, making your own contingency plans dependent on yourselves and whoever you know that could support you. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-38859069244788510472017-03-08T08:27:29.435+13:002017-03-08T08:27:29.435+13:00yes, indeed!yes, indeed!Klarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17028863974858724867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-16780989780746632542017-03-07T17:14:01.587+13:002017-03-07T17:14:01.587+13:00The main reason I wanted my mother to move to wher...The main reason I wanted my mother to move to where I lived was because the daughter (and her family) did not have much to do with her and when she was having trouble with her health, they were missing in action for the most part. So having children near doesn't always work out anyway for some people. It's important for everyone to develop their own network of friends and companions as they get older but I guess that's not everyone's focus.Deathstarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10012800256411878445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-87381931456974197472017-03-07T16:34:33.779+13:002017-03-07T16:34:33.779+13:00This post hits home. I plan on moving to another s...This post hits home. I plan on moving to another state in a little over a year. I decided this a couple of years ago, so this plan has been in the making for awhile. I told my mother so that she would know ahead of time and know what I am working toward. I have been in this city for almost 25 years. She just moved here last year. And she is extremely upset that I plan on moving. I just don't have any sympathy for her. She has traveled and lived wherever she wanted for the past couple of decades, and I always encouraged her to do so. I am very frustrated that she cannot support my new dreams and plans, knowing very well that my dreams and plans for children did not happen. Plus, she only lives here part of the time! The other part of the year, we will only be a five hour drive away from each other once I move. Ug. I am so frustrated with her.Infertile Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11033358612204465661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-72657052262656840382017-03-07T15:21:42.795+13:002017-03-07T15:21:42.795+13:00With or without children, planning should happen. ...With or without children, planning should happen. I stayed close to my mom while my brothers fled. I wish she had had more access to her other grandchildren. She missed them so much. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-22161605859951567212017-03-07T05:36:54.389+13:002017-03-07T05:36:54.389+13:00You are so right about preparing mentally for old ...You are so right about preparing mentally for old age without relying on a child for happiness. Shailhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07174562168503272243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-87370532640424834422017-03-07T05:21:14.224+13:002017-03-07T05:21:14.224+13:00I agree that we are advantaged in some ways in bei...I agree that we are advantaged in some ways in being mentally prepared for old age. I know so many disgruntled mothers and mothers-in-law who spend a lot of their lives waiting for the next visit or waiting to be 'allowed' to visit their offspring. The particular examples I have in my life are not great, to say the least; there are several occasions when I've heard family members and friends say that they are waiting for burdensome parents or parents-in-law to die - brutal, but I am not making that up. I find empty-nest syndrome and living through adult children a bit tragic, to be honest. Society instantly feels sorry for a childless older adult, and automatically pities an equally lonely PARENT much less. But what's the difference if the parent mostly lives alone and rarely sees the kids? They are accorded less pity simply because they have kids, in my opinion. There are some people who have lovely, unconditionally good relationships with their parents and some (I seem to know a number of dysfunctional families) who really don't. So I never really imagined myself as someone surrounded by children and grandchildren in old age (I blame my 'role models': my own grandmother at 85 is completely estranged from two of her children and never sees four of her grandchildren or any of their numerous babies). So really, having kids is no guarantee of having company and help in old age. Best if we all get saving up for taxis etc if we can. Ooh hope that wasn't too much of a downer I'm in bad Monday form today, apologies!https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16936131757889957955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-78010057486564406952017-03-07T03:58:35.430+13:002017-03-07T03:58:35.430+13:00This is such a complicated issue. Are there grandc...This is such a complicated issue. Are there grandchildren in the picture yet? I know a few sets of parents the age of my parents who have made big moves at retirement to be closer to grandchildren. It's risky because there is no guarantee their children won't move again and grandchildren grow up!<br /><br />My sisters and I are engaged in an active campaign to have my Mum come and move closer to all of us, but I think that does make sense. She's recently widowed and in a house she doesn't want to stay in (and can't maintain on her own), she has no real network of friends in the area, and two of her siblings live in the general area where we are as well. But she will definitely be starting from scratch and it is a big decision. The situation with her mother and the one with my Dad have really driven home that everyone needs to have these kinds of conversations and make plans. But so many people want to pretend they will never get old or sick or infirm.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-18769962233391599792017-03-07T02:54:58.587+13:002017-03-07T02:54:58.587+13:00I wonder if the person was talking about logistica...I wonder if the person was talking about logistical support -- financial, driving to appointments, cooking meals -- or emotional support. Having children isn't a guarantee of either, and people should make plans for both that doesn't rely on another human being to go with the plan. But I wonder if the "aloneness" she's thinking of is the actual, physical, "I'm alone in this space" variety or more the emotional variety. Does that make sense?Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.com