tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post70409160155442588..comments2024-03-19T11:45:17.341+13:00Comments on No Kidding in NZ: Shedding desireMalihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-58708637447455913132017-10-14T09:17:42.728+13:002017-10-14T09:17:42.728+13:00"There’s a difference between having once wan..."There’s a difference between having once wanted something when it was a very reasonable possibility, and still wanting it when you know there is no possibility of it ever happening." I totally agree with you, Mali, and I had the same thoughts when I was reading others' responses. I certainly did want a child, and I wish things had worked out differently -- but they didn't. I am still sad from time to time that I never got parent, but would I want a child NOW, at this point in my life? No... as I remember writing on my blog once, I know that ship has LONG since sailed! The time for raising children has passed. I think maybe age, crossing the threshold into our 50s, does give us some perspective. I did secretly hope for that miracle baby long after we stopped infertility treatments when I was 40... but the further from 40 I got, the more I realized that it really was NOT going to happen... and did I really want to be a mother now, at this late stage of my life? (Ummmm, no.) loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-17691565285432593552017-10-12T04:44:39.967+13:002017-10-12T04:44:39.967+13:00I guess the statement is very broad, maybe too bro...I guess the statement is very broad, maybe too broad. I think you don't want just any child, you wanted a very specific child, from when you were trying. Especially when there was a beginning of a pregnancy. I know my perspective is different. My original dream was to have 4 kids. My outcome is 2 parttime stepkids, one girl and one disappeared twin/miscarriage. So yes, I still have the desire that the twin would have made it. But that is not the same as 'a' child. I hope this makes any sense, sorry if I didn't (and/or misunderstood)<br /> Valeryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10210187335704409247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-35187430752921220042017-10-10T23:11:26.035+13:002017-10-10T23:11:26.035+13:00I hear you... the passage of time does soften thin...I hear you... the passage of time does soften things. I wish I could silence the tug at my heartstrings sometimes, usually most prevalent around certain family orientated times of the year. Perhaps that will fade with time too, or perhaps it won't - I don't let it define who I am though, if that makes sense? It's just an intrinsic part of me and I'm comfortable with it.Bamberlambhttp://inconceivable.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-10574593380168855832017-10-10T21:43:01.574+13:002017-10-10T21:43:01.574+13:00Thank you for sharing this perspective. Distance ...Thank you for sharing this perspective. Distance and time often change things.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275071143469111072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-73000539469372618322017-10-10T14:47:29.820+13:002017-10-10T14:47:29.820+13:00I haven't reached the point where I can honest...I haven't reached the point where I can honestly say that I don't ever have the desire to have a child. Most of the time I don't. The vast majority of time, actually. But every so often, something will catch me the right way and I long for what could have been. It's always fleeting and I recover faster then I would have a few years ago. But it hasn't gone away altogether. BentNotBrokenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10151724076659555122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-76158730664014979232017-10-10T10:43:02.462+13:002017-10-10T10:43:02.462+13:00I think what you speak of is very possible, but it...I think what you speak of is very possible, but it requires a bit of work. The first part is going through the grieving process and allowing oneself to heal from infertility. The second part that you talk about comes from that. It’s not that you are denying anything, but more that you are actively looking forward and finding a way to raise above. Inspirational to think about.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-58177866389421742702017-10-10T05:08:40.498+13:002017-10-10T05:08:40.498+13:00It sounds freeing to reach the point of acceptance...It sounds freeing to reach the point of acceptance without desire. I can't really imagine at this point not feeling the sharp pain of the loss of the life we wanted but could not achieve. I can see accepting that our life is different, and making it the best life we can possibly have, but I don't know if I could shed the desire for what didn't happen. Is it acceptance still if you can love the life you have but still mourn the alternative one you lost when those moments present themselves? Interesting post to think on! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5725106142359702200.post-51123224059436107922017-10-10T03:55:53.608+13:002017-10-10T03:55:53.608+13:00I'm glad to hear you have reached this point o...I'm glad to hear you have reached this point of acceptance. It would certainly give hope to others just starting that path. I can see how focusing on what you are missing doesn't help and would just make you feel worse. Thinking about all the things you do have and being happy is a much better outlook. dublinerinDeutschlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14804856792598440633noreply@blogger.com