Enjoying the Season

December has arrived. Quite how it is here already when it was May just last week (!), I’m not sure, but here it is nonetheless. Temperatures are warming. I sat out in a vineyard having lunch recently, and on a deck at a beach that evening. It would have been my father’s 94^th birthday yesterday, but he has been gone now 17 years already. His birthday always makes me remember my first ectopic pregnancy. In the space of a week or so, I suspected I was [pregnant, tested positive, had some bleeding, and was sent to the hospital. As with many early ectopics, it then took about six weeks to diagnose definitively and then to resolve, with ongoing treatment. My second ectopic was the following year, and a few weeks later, but took about six months to resolve. The beginning of December is, for me, the beginning of ectopic season. So inevitably, when I’m happy that summer is arriving, and the windows are open and I can hear the birds singing or Christmas music, or see the first red blooms of pohutukawa, I might feel a little flicker reminding me of the grief I felt 20 and 21 years ago at this time. And the years that it took to recover. Now, I remember, but I don’t really feel the grief. I’ve grieved, but I choose not to torture myself by remembering how that felt, by letting myself feel that again, or by focusing on what I lost.

Twelve years ago, in the first weeks of No Kidding in NZ, I wrote about Reclaiming Christmas. I still believe we can all do this if we want to. Everyone can enjoy Christmas or any other special holidays they choose to celebrate. These days are not just for children – if we’re lucky, we all have magical memories of past years that we want to honour, or perhaps we want to create new memories, and there’s no timeline on what age you need to be to do that. One of my favourite reclaiming traditions is very simple. It is insisting I don’t get out of bed too early (can you guess I’m not a morning person?), and enjoying a simple breakfast of croissants and orange juice with my husband. Maybe one year we’ll go to Paris for Christmas and do it properly!

I put my tree up yesterday – it is early for me, but I decided to do so while I have a visitor in the house, and because I remember taking it down last time (only two weeks ago, it feels like) with regret that it was up for such a short time. Enjoyment of my tree is one of the key parts of my celebration. Who cares that no children will see the tree this year? I’ll see it! Friends will see it. I remember each of the decorations, where I bought them (Florence, Talinn, Bergen, London, Manila, Bangkok, etc) or who gave them to me (my nephew, my fellow childless Christmas-tree-loving friend, my sister, a friend, etc). I have a couple that always make me think of my Christmas babies that didn’t make it too.

I need to do some Christmas shopping this week, and – as long as I am not under pressure – I usually enjoy this. We’re also going to take a few days out to personally deliver some gifts rather than post them. December is one of my favourite times of the year to travel in New Zealand, so that should be fun. We’re going to catch up with friends just before Christmas at a favourite restaurant, I always do a baking exchange with another friend, and we have plans to meet up with others afterwards.

The whole present-giving part of Christmas is not a big deal for me. I like giving gifts, but don’t go over-board. I receive one or two gifts, and I appreciate them, but they’re never the focus of the day for me. My husband and I rarely exchange gifts. If we do, they’re often little surprises. Expectations are low, and I’m happy about that. I can’t be disappointed! Besides, our presents to each other are the trips we take together, and we know how much they cost!

If there’s one thing I dislike about Christmas (or other big holidays), it is the huge fanfare and anticipation for what is really just one day, perhaps even just one meal! Such energy, expense, effort, and angst for such a short day! I’m going to enjoy each of the lead-up activities, whether it is baking, shopping for our meal, seeing friends, delivering gifts, or just rejoicing in the lack of pressure. That way, I can find the whole process enjoyable. And I can eliminate anticipation and stress that might otherwise be unpleasant.

As for the actual day, even though we are going to spend it alone this year, I’m looking forward to a relaxed day, making the food we like, choosing a special wine, eating some of those treats I've made in advance (the berry mince baclava my friend made last year will be high on that list), having a peaceful day, maybe watching some corny movies, or weather permitting, taking a walk along a beach. Enjoying a peaceful drink on the deck with the birds. Hopefully we’ll get to do it all.

And, as I always say, in a flash the day will be over! The next day, life will be back to normal, and we will be looking forward to and enjoying the summer, to the New Year, and to the adventures of 2023. With the added benefit of yummy leftovers!

I hope you are able to look forward to the season this year, rather than dread it. Breathe deeply. Focus on what you love. Don't torture yourself with what-ifs. It does get easier, I promise.