08 August, 2016

Making real human connections

I was browsing Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly again this morning over coffee, and found her simple statement that she had learned from her research that “nothing is as important as human connection.” I thought then of most people I know, and recognised that – excluding friendly but peripheral relationships we all have - family is at the core of their human connections. In fact, some, perhaps many, barely reach beyond family for their human connections.

Probably, I thought, that’s why there is such a focus on having children, being a family unit with a group of people they can focus on and rely on. After all, I think that many people do struggle to make human connections outside of family; connections where they feel that they belong, that they're heard, that they have a purpose.

Maybe that's why people both pity us, and fear being us, because they struggle to understand human connections outside of family, or to see those connections as real or meaningful?

Yet I wonder too, how many people actually have real, deep, meaningful and honest relationships, real connections where they are heard and feel heard and accepted and understood as they are, with their families - or even, outside their families?

This is one of the reasons why I like blogging – the quest to hear and be heard, to accept and be accepted, to understand and be understood, and to make true connections in a part of my life that few in my day-to-day life understand.


  1. Oooh. You've found an interesting topic. One that I hope you get a lot of good feedback on.

    Growing up, I struggled to connect with my family. I tired and failed, ultimately resulting on me trying to find connection elsewhere. And it really was (and still is) a struggle. We talk about tribes and BFFs, but I think though most aspire to it, it really doesn't happen.

    Right now, I'm currently focusing on the Beats and Grey. Between work and then, there's not a lot of time for anything else. But the other piece is that it's easier to focus there than to continue search for connections outside of that sphere. There are exceptions and I am very lucky/grateful for those, but I think you're right that unless one is skilled this can be hard to create and maintain.

    Looking forward to hearing others' thoghts

  2. dear Mali, I never thought about this issue this way, but you are right. Yes, I love connections made by blogging as well. And I love being connected with you!

  3. You're so right. I think we are just programmed to think that family (ie. children) is everything in life that is worth sacrificing for. And then of course, when one has them, you have precious time for much else outside of that circle once the work day is done. I'd do crazy without spending time with friends and connecting with my Buddhist community. And in my blogging world, I've also made some great friends. It has definitely enriched my life.

  4. Oh, yes -- connections are everything. It's interesting to think that so many people consider children to be the deepest connection there is, and that family is the most connected relationship. I have deeper connections to people outside my family (although Bryce probably gets top billing, and he's family). Blogging is a terrific way to make meaningful connections with people, especially those with a common experience. To feel like someone truly understands you is such a gift.

  5. I think I was better at making (and maintaining) relationships outside of family before having my daughter. As people gave implied above, there is a lot less time and energy after a child is in your life. All my current friends are "low maintenance" haha: meaning we can stay friends with occasional phone call, FB contact, maybe visit every few months. And I like Internet relationships because for example right now, I'm lying on the couch, very tired, watching my toddler fight her nap on the baby monitor. My husband is downstairs watching TV because he is having a sick day. I have zero desire to get up and meet up with someone, but I can do this (just). I'm not alwaus this much of a blob (I think I might be getting Mr Turtle's bug) but it's a good example of how you're most likely to find me attending to my family, and following others' lives from a distance.

  6. I do feel like I filled an unmet place in my psyche when I found blogging and bloggers. It's not just the act of writing...I think that even more so, it's the connection. It's nice to be heard and understood, whether inside a family or inside another type of community.

  7. Will echo that blogging filled a relationship niche for me. There is something so deeply satisfying in connecting with others over words.

    I think the kids and Josh and I are a little insular, bringing my siblings and parents and nieces into that mix as well. It's a lot of people to connect with on a daily basis when you think about it. How many deep, meaningful relationships can a person maintain on a daily basis?

  8. I think you've hit on an important point here. And you've reminded me that I really need to read some Brene Brown. :)