10 May, 2021

Revisiting That Day, and refusing to give up my power

It's that time of year again, the Day-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named,  so I thought I'd post something from May 2017 that still applies.

This year, we have no in-laws to worry about. We can just focus on each other, and plan the day. That's going to be nice, I think. But there's often still a little sting. So I'm sending hugs and good wishes to you all. Including the Brits who have already had their day, and through blogs and social media have to go through it all again. As those of us in NZ and Australia will have to do once the US social media posts appear on our Monday!

"One of the advantages of being away at this time of year is that I will miss Mother’s Day. Mother’s Day somewhere else however hasn’t bothered me too much – I took great delight, for example, watching all the families out for lunch in Soweto, South Africa, on Mother’s Day in 2009 - and I’m pretty sure that it won’t bother me in Iceland either, as I generally find there is a real freedom being away from your own society and community and language.

Feeling separate from the rest of our communities can be an ongoing, underlying source of pain, one to which we become accustomed, but as the years go on, we don’t necessarily recognise this until we suddenly notice its absence (for example, when travelling). And of course, one of the difficulties of our ongoing No Kidding life is that we can never quite predict when those nasty “ouch” moments might appear. Doing something that makes us happy – for example, going for a walk or cooking a special meal at home with your partner or friends – can help alleviate the impact of this day, and so can planning in advance, which is why I've posted this a week early. It is an invented holiday, and within a few days it is forgotten, and I refuse to give it too much power over me.

That first day back at work though – all those discussions/competitions between parents around the water cooler about how they spent their day – can be painful, and it is fine to protect yourself and make yourself scarce during these conversations, or (perhaps useful in a one-on-one situation) use a standard response of mine that I hope makes them think, which is along the lines of “I am not the person you should be telling this to”  or "why would you be telling this to me, of all people?"

But I’d love to hear your own suggestions of how to deal with this in the comments."

 Follow this link if you want to go over and see the original comments too.


1 comment:

  1. Great post about That Day. Such good tools to take: "I am not the person you should be telling this to" is a great way to get out of a social situation post-That-Day. I agree that spending the day dingy things that makes YOU happy and then avoiding people and Social media as much as possible are good survival tactics. I love gardening on this day because it's earthy and creating living things in a way. You can't be too sad up to your elbows in dirt! I hope you had a good day this year.