I was searching for an old No Kidding post the other day,
and though I couldn’t find it (or I’d actually never written it anywhere other
than in my head, perhaps), I did find another old post that had an aside that
spoke to me again. It gave me an idea. I think I’m going to go through my blog
here, from the very beginning, and reblog, or update, some posts. Maybe too I’ll
develop a picture of the journey I’ve been on, and I’m interested to see if
that matches the picture in my head of the healing process.
Back to the thought that caught my eye a few days ago. I’d
started thinking and talking at the time about the positives of this No Kidding
life, and the gifts that my infertility and childless/free status had given me.
I’d also seen a lot of talk about acceptance, what it was, and why it was hard.
It’s so very common for those new to the No Kidding life to fight against
acceptance, because they don’t really have a feel for what it actually is. But once we realise that our lives are not over and that we can begin to embrace them, then acceptance comes.
Normality comes back, and the anguish goes away, and it does bring gifts. I'm actually glad these days that I don't have kids. I try not to compare lives, but whereas before I thought that everyone with 'a family' was happier than me by default, despite any stresses or struggles, I'm now grateful that I don't have some of the pretty awful dramas that I see my circle going through with their kids. The tranquillity I have is a gift, the financial ease is a gift, the freedom is a gift, the lack of anxiety is a gift. And whether parents would trade their kids for those things or not, I don't care - I'm enjoying those things, and my life is fine.
ReplyDeleteGoing back through your old posts can be really enlightening, and so interesting. The times I've done it, it's been surprising how much I've forgotten about what I've written, and how much I enjoy re-reading them. I would have loved to have had children, just one would have been wonderful, but it was not to be. I accepted that many years ago, and I'm grateful for how my life is now in general. But, I would have been grateful the other way too, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteI was touched by this post. I had a bad week last week, and wanted to start this week off better, I like this idea of looking for the gifts.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but keep feeling that this is where I am heading, though I am still in a place of uncertainty. I have always wanted a child, and just assumed it would happen, but it has only been recently that I guess I have fought to make it happen. Ever since I entered what feels like a fight against nature I have felt in a state of life being suspended. And I don't think that it is healthy for me to stay in this state for too long. There is definitely a part of me that wants to just stop wanting a child, as that would be much simpler. It was just yesterday that I was just speaking about these very things with a good friend who has decided on a child-free life after experiencing repeated trauma of pregnancy losses. It has been about 2 years since this decision for her, but she has completely embraced her new life at this point and she continues to see and find the many positives in the path she is now on. Acceptance is the way.
ReplyDeleteOh, I love that -- the LOOKING for the gifts part especially. It's funny, I'm still fresh but not oozy anymore for the most part, but part of me started exploring more childfree-not-by-choice blogs as early as January because I wanted to know that I could feel good about that resolution, as living without any resolution for so long really made me feel broken. Having a resolution, while painful because it's unraveling and re-knitting my dreams of my future, is SO MUCH BETTER than how I felt before, even when I have those moments that suck. Really really suck. That's a gift. I also love the idea of going back to older posts and seeing them through your current lens, what a great idea. I have really enjoyed older posts that you've sent to me or have been recommended by others, so I look forward to these new, rediscovered gems!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking that I need to go back through my old posts -- if only to clean up the typos that pop out at me when I read my old stuff, lol. My 10th (!!) blogoversary is coming up, and revisiting some old posts in some way might be a good way to mark that. I've never reblogged anything (although some of the same themes & stories pop up from time to time) -- but there are a lot of old posts that I could certainly update. Thanks for the inspiration!! -- I would love to see what you do with this too! :)
ReplyDeleteLove this idea, looking back to find contentment ahead. And I love your meme, as one thing I've been playing with is Radical Acceptance. It sounds so easy but it's not.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see how you do this. My purpose for reblogging is because I switched from Blogger to Wordpress and the formatting is all screwed up. And the perfectionist in me wants to update and give it all a facelift.
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