I have a number of posts brewing but none of them will be
brief, so I have to confess that I have (temporarily, I am sure) lost my Microblogging mojo. So somewhat predictably, I’m resorting to a list of
miscellaneous thoughts, which I am a little surprised to find are falling into
the “ouch” category. Maybe it’s just time, and maybe this post balances out my
more positive post on A Separate Life.
Our political parties in New Zealand are gearing up to
election mode, and I am already starting to feel isolated, as the focus is on “family,
family, family.”
Yet I feel guilty about that too, as I hate the reality of
children growing up in poverty, and agree that this is an important issue.
One of my elderly in-laws has been ill recently, and so –
unlike any of the other siblings – we are feeling the full brunt of the
responsibility that is on our shoulders. Of course it has raised issues, and we
are talking to each other about how we will manage such situations when we are
old, and hoping that we will recognise we should make changes in our lives
before we actually need to.
For the first time in a long time, the other day I found
myself on the receiving end of a terse comment that had the unwritten subtext, “you’re
not a mother, so be careful what you say.”
Ouch! I will never understand why people think it's ok to pull the "but you're not a mother" card, whether by saying it out loud or by implication It is not ok. Ever.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on the struggle of feeling alienated by politics while simultaneously caring deeply about many of the issues.
Hubs and I both live away from our families and have siblings that live nearby them, so it's unlikely that we'll have responsibility for their care (at least in the day to day sense), but we've already started thinking about plans for later in our lives. Hopefully our plans won't need to play out for 35+ years, but it gives me a bit of peace to have a general idea.
Anyway, sending hugs your way!
Whoa. The "you're not a mother" card? I've gotten that too and wow. There are no words. Being a mother now, it's unfathomable for me to even think that about anyone. And I hear you on the microblogging struggle. Most of them turn out to be regular posts, but I guess as long as we're still recording our words down on here.
ReplyDeleteOuch is right. I'm sorry you were on the receiving end of such a hurtful comment. Definitely a low blow. Hugs for you!
ReplyDeleteOuch, ouch, ouch. I hate that kind of comment. I can imagine if you don't get them often it stings more, the shock of it. Such a "you're not in the club and can't have an opinion on this if you're not a mom." The family focus gets me too. I care deeply about the welfare of children, you know, being a teacher and all (and a HUMAN), but I hate when the assumption is that all adults have children, that all women are mothers, that all couples are parents. It rubbed me the wrong way this past election cycle and I wasn't truly childfree yet (just, you know, living that way forever it seemed). I hope the strife over care of the inlaws can be smoothed. True to the planning for things before they're happening, I try to bring it up now (probably a smidge early) and Bryce is like, "I'm just getting used to not having kids, can we not skip to old age and death please?" :) Necessary conversations though. A friend who's childfree not by choice wants to set up a commune for childfree adults who are aged. Not a bad idea. I hope this next week is less painful!
ReplyDeleteOuch -- I suppose the impending election has a lot of people in "think about the CHILDREN!!" mode. :p Sorry you were in the line of fire.
ReplyDeleteI am visiting my aging parents right now... they still do pretty well (ages 76 & 78) but I can see them slowing down -- sometimes quite literally. My mother has never been one for punctuality her entire life, and takes huge offense if you try to prod her along before she's good & ready. As a result, we spend most of the day waiting around for her to make up her mind what she wants to do and then waiting for her to get ready to do it. Sigh. And then, of course, I wonder who's going to prod me along when I need it??
There are no words. Being a mother now, it's unfathomable for me to even think that about anyone. And I hear you on the microblogging struggle. Most of them turn out to be regular posts, but I guess as long as we're still recording our words down on here.
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