20 February, 2011

The joys of no kids

So much of infertility blogging/discussion is negative, on what we DON'T have, rather than on the benefits of what we have.  This is understandable.  After all, where can we honestly, openly and safely talk about these things if not with each other?  Sure, this might not have been what we would have chosen for ourselves, but we're not betraying our earlier now-buried desires if we now appreciate what we've got.  I love the saying "happiness is wanting what we have, not having what we want."  I think that is very true, and is a lesson for all of us, wherever we might be on the infertility scale, or in fact wherever we might be in life, full stop.

And so, here's just a short list of a few things from the last few days that I wouldn't be able to do if I had children:

  • A peaceful Sunday brunch with my husband at my favourite (not child friendly) restaurant, planning our next trip, talking about work issues and mid-life crises
  • Sleeping in LATE on a Saturday morning, then staying in bed with a good book.  Because why bother getting up if we don't need to?
  • Having a house and garden that doesn't have to be child-proofed
  • Drowning my sorrows after work with a good chardonnay and tub of ice-cream after a harrowing all-day meeting last week
  • Devoting time to a great book and finishing it in one day
  • Blogging


  1. great list and so very true.

    i particularly like that saying
    "happiness is wanting what we have, not having what we want"
    i like it so much i'm going to nick it!!

    enjoy your lazy childfree, responsibility free sunday!


  2. I also like travelling out of school holiday time, when it is quieter and cheaper.

  3. good list :) I wish traveling was an option bc it would really help the stress but with the price tag on IF procedures, that joy has been taken away too!! to add to your list: no having to cook dinner after a hard day at work, going out without worrying about booking a baby sitter, having a little extra money each month to do something fun together. Glad you can look at those moments with a smile ;)

  4. Love this. And there are days I wish we lived near each other.

  5. Totally agree and would like to add:

    Naps. Taking a nap whenever you want to.

    Running out for a midnight snack at an all-night restaurant with your sweetie or friends.

    Long, hot baths. Try doing that with a little one!

  6. Thank you for this reflections. Oh, you're such a motivation! I will get started on my own list right away.

  7. Just checking in, hope you are okay and not caught up in the ChCh earthquake.

  8. Hi. I'm on another island (ironically in the city previously thought most at risk of earthquakes) and so perfectly okay. Thanks so much for thinking of me.

  9. Dear Mali,
    Like Illanare I've been thinking about you ever since hearing about the ChCh earthquake. Glad you're on another island, but still sad and shaken for your fellow Kiwis. all the best, Pamela

  10. When my kids were little, I would have KILLED to do any of those things on your list (with the exception of blogging, which didn't exist). They seemed such amazing luxuries. One thing you didn't mention: being able to have two consecutive thoughts....

  11. Lali, you're assuming I can actually do that!!

  12. Pamela, thanks so much for your thoughts.

  13. Mali - have just discovered your post and loving reading it. Am having a mental health day from work today (after being with a friend and her brand new baby last night - the first baby i've allowed myself to be around after my 3 miscarriages and giving up on having children) - and am enjoying my day off, in bed, reading your blog.
    You seem to be from the same city as me (from your comments bout the quake in ChCh etc) although i am currently living in Oz. I'm often back there tho, visiting friends and partaking in that city's wonderful clothes shopping! (note to self - not having children means I have money to spend on clothes. sigh.) So I'd really like to meet you the next time I'm back home, if you were up for it.