08 October, 2011

What ifs - Friendships

I was contemplating some what-ifs: what would my life be like if I had had children.  I have a list – they’ll probably all come out in due course.  But this one is a big one, and very relevant for this week.  I’m talking about friendships. 

I see friendships change in some friends with children.  They grow away, and are only friends with the mothers of their children’s friends.  I’d probably be immersed in school functions and sports, and so would probably be spending a lot of time with the mothers of other children.  Not all my friends with children have been like this.  And so I like to think that I wouldn’t have changed, or neglected my other friends either.  But I think the peer pressure is there.  People forget, they lose you.  I don’t like to think I’d have done that to my friends.

On a brighter note, if I hadn’t been through my ectopic pregnancies, if I’d got pregnant and kept my pregnancies, I would never have found the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust.  I would never have met all those wonderful, hilarious women there.  The friends I’ve made through the EPT are lasting.  Nine years later, some of us parents, some of us not, but we’re still friends.  They’re the women I turn to if I doubt myself, if I have problems, if I need to share my most intimate secrets.  I’m going to be seeing some of them in London this week.  Some have visited me in NZ.  I’ve been to Leicestershire and Coventry and Gloucestershire as a result.  I’ve even been to a function in the House of Commons!  My life is broader and richer as a result of meeting these women.  And this week we’re meeting up in London, celebrating our lives, celebrating our friendships.


  1. It is amazing how life influences friendships...in the end, I believe they are were they are supposed to be.

  2. Friendships evolve so much through time... I avoid the miscarriage and infertility support groups in my area, because there are so many parents among them. They do understand the pain of miscarriage and/or infertility, but most of them have moved on to have children either biologically or by adoption, and it permeates every conversation somehow. Maybe someday I'll be able to join without feeling so left out.