I see so many women being so considerate of others that they allow themselves and their feelings be completely trampled on. This is particularly an issue for the community of women going through infertility, or in the first phases of living a no kidding life, when our self-confidence is often at an all-time low.
I was taught to always consider others, to be polite to them, and for years I have (and still do if I am honest) worried that I might be inadvertently offending them. But what I was actually doing, in many ways, was telling myself, over and over again, that I wasn't worth considering, that I was worthless.
When I finally realised this - it is easier to recognise in others than ourselves, I think - it wasn't a selfish, arrogant, "I'm so wonderful" thought. I simply realised that, in the interests of fairness, I was just as worthy of my consideration as anyone else. I didn't build myself up in a self-important way. But it gave me some contentment, some freedom from self-criticism (that so often feels never-ending), and it allowed me to feel compassion for myself, to like myself, and to accept my flaws without never-ending judgement.
Yes, yes, and more yes. I'm getting so much better at nurturing myself. It doesn't come naturally by any stretch of the imagination, but honoring my feelings has made me feel so much better about myself. It is definitely a freeing feeling!ReplyDelete
Absolutely!!! Though it's so hard to practice.ReplyDelete
I just want to give you a big hug!ReplyDelete
Love this. I'm glad you learned to nurture yourself. It's so hard and often seen as so selfish to take care of yourself, but you have to take care of yourself so that you can be your best self, which in turn benefits those around you. And absolutely you deserve whatever time or practices it takes to get there. I learned to do this in the trenches of IVF (but still feel guilty doing it to some tiny extent), and it feels so nice to make space for me, to say no and treasure my rejuvenation time. Love the image with this post, too!ReplyDelete
I love this idea of compassion for yourself. And this: "I was just as worthy of my consideration as anyone else."ReplyDelete
It's so interesting how we are so much harder on ourselves (and less considerate of ourselves) than we are of other people. It really can become detrimental to our mental and emotional well being.ReplyDelete
Love the post and the quote as well.ReplyDelete
This perspective is so helpful, thank you. I don't have trouble taking action and sticking to it in this regard, but often find myself feeling as though I've done something wrong when those around me are disapproving as a result. The particular scenario of disassociating myself with other people's pregnancies in the past few years, as that is what has been in my best interest, rings a clangy bell. This post is helping me realize I wasn't being bad or selfish, just fair. To ME!!!!ReplyDelete
I am so guilty of doing this... although I am a LITTLE bit better these days at saying "no" and sticking up for myself. Sometimes I think it comes with age... you are less & less worried about what others think, lol. ;)ReplyDelete
Yes, yes, yes. My dad taught us that in order to "love your neighbor as yourself," you had to figure out how to love (and nurture) yourself. Beautiful post.ReplyDelete