18 September, 2017

Miscellaneous Monday Musings

1.  I recently saw the issue of guilt come up (as it does regularly) in a blog, and recognised that fear of enjoying something new, or of finding that we appreciate part of our lives without children. This is such a common emotion, and so I just wanted to say again that enjoying any aspect of our lives that results from the fact that we don’t have children, or just feeling happy, does not mean that we think our lives are better than having children (though that thought is fine too), it just means we’re simply making the most of our life now.

2.  When our infertility doesn’t resolve with a child, suddenly we feel more vulnerable, our lives suddenly more reliant on one or two people in our lives who are important, and I think it’s not uncommon to fear the loss of our partners. I travelled internationally for work for many years before our losses and infertility, but was shocked at the strength of my emotions the first time I travelled without my husband after our infertility journey ended. I think it was normal to feel this too, but I’m pleased to say that I think it is also normal to recognise that the years pass, emotions calm, and now I feel much less vulnerable, or perhaps more accurately, I’m more comfortable with my vulnerability.

3.  Finally, I wanted to note that recently someone in my life implied that the things I was interested in were not important to other people – though I know that they meant parents. After a little twinge, I began to laugh, because I could immediately think of several parents who I know feel exactly the same as I do, and so I knew in my heart that the person making the comment was wrong, or they were just trying to cover up their own disappointments. So once again, confronting those negative comments and rejecting their very premise, helped me get over what could otherwise have been a very hurtful encounter. 


  1. I can relate about feeling more vulnerable. I'm still hyper conscious when Grey travels after infertility. That fear hasn't gone away. I think it comes from having tapped into very primal triggered by this trauma.

    And ugh about that person who made the comment. I'm glad you met it with laughter because it reflects the utter ridiculousness of their reasoning. Maybe they can find a way to be happy someday?

  2. I can relate to all of these. Ouch to the person in #3, I'm glad you could laugh it off and see it as their own faulty thinking as opposed to an attack or a second-guessing on your part. That is some magic right there! The vulnerability. I am terrified of losing Bryce and being left alone, childless, no one but me myself and I. Very real fear. I like the idea of becoming more comfortable with the vulnerability so that it's not quite so paralyzing when he's late coming home or I hear of an accident on the highway or whatever worst-case-scenario thing I can dream up. :) Great Monday Miscellany!

  3. #3 o dear. When I comment here I try to be myself, and I know what you and i have in common. (infertility survivor, traveller, etc. Despite my different outcome.) I'd like to think that I am a person who is interested in things you are into and do and write about. Oh and I happen to be a parent as well. (and a partner and a daughter and a neighbour and eh, you know what I mean) Speaking of travelling, the situation is likely to arise that DP will have some time on his hands in January. I am trying to convince him that would be an excellent time to travel the world as we can still take Suzy then. WHo knows if I can drag him to NZ??