12 September, 2017

Talking about Grief

Lisa on Life Without Baby recently talked about talking grief on her blog, and she made some good points – you should go check it out – and asked some good questions too, unwittingly giving me my blog topic (thanks Lisa) for today.

 How has your grief changed over time? It no longer dominates my day, my thoughts, my feelings, as it might have in the early years, and now, even when it occasionally still pops up and I honour my losses by giving it time, it no longer has the power to destroy the day for me.

How has your loss changed you? It has changed me in many ways, and they are largely summed up in my Gifts of Infertility series, but there are negatives too. I’m stronger, but I’m more fragile too in ways; I know I am vulnerable, and I feel that more intensely, but that helps me appreciate what and who I have in my life more intensely too

In what ways has your grief crept out, even when you’ve tried to keep it under wraps? It creeps out much less these days, whereas in the past it manifested in strong emotion, tears or a suddenly shaky voice , or presented itself in unexpected anger (not always expressed) at what others would think were innocuous statements or actions.


  1. Each of these are blog posts, but particularly this one: "In what ways has your grief crept out, even when you’ve tried to keep it under wraps?" Man oh man, what a topic. Especially the triggers for it.

    Time certainly heals, but never in the way we or others expect.

  2. Grief creeping out as anger.... I think that happend to me a lot. I could cry or get mad. Often, I chose to get mad. I'm so glad I'm no longer in that sorrowful place.

  3. Yes...yes to all of this. My grief comes out as anger more than I'd like, and it seeps out at interesting times. I am in a functional place, but everything is close to the surface, held back by a thin but strong membrane, if that makes sense. It sounds so wonderful to have things get to a place where grief doesn't have the power to destroy a day, where it is felt as appreciation for what is gained as much as pain from what was lost, and the seeping is few and far between. Love these thoughts!

  4. Thank you for this post! I'm late with my comment (partly because I was on holiday), but it has inspired me to write my own post on the topic entitled "Fragen zur Trauer". I will try to summarize it here:

    1. At first, my grief was all-consuming. Now it is much more gentle and comes up quite rarely.

    2. I like that the question is not IF my loss has changed me, because it is clear that it must have done that! I have learned that many people go through difficuld situations without other people knowing about it. Also, I think I have become more understanding and tolerant. Self-care was another important lesson.

    3. Even when I didn't burst into tears (I usually made it to the washroom), I am sure my grief showed through my lack of energy, the way I walked and the kind of face I made. This was later confirmed to me by my coworkers who were kind enough to say nothing at the time, but let me decide when it was the right time to talk about it.

    Wishing you a good Sunday, Mali!