After writing last week's post, when I realised that this December was the 20th anniversary of my first pregnancy and loss, I had a period of remembrance. I let myself remember the hope after the first positive pregnancy test, the shock I felt from that, then the shock of learning I'd lost the pregnancy. In fact, there was a lot of shock, because I was shocked at how shocked I was, shocked at how strongly I felt the emotions. So last week, I let myself remember a lot, thinking I would post it today, and wrote a draft post. But then the rest of the week happened, the weekend passed and life moved on, and by today, it only seems worth noting two things.
The first is that it has been 20 years. That's worth noting, I think. Yet I can remember it as if it were yesterday. Secondly, although the losses can still hit me and make me sad, that sadness doesn't stay very long. In that way, it feels like a lifetime ago.
20 December, 2021
Twenty years
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Thank you so much for posting this! It fits so much of what my grief has been like too...Sending love
ReplyDeletesending a warm hug from the other part of the world.
ReplyDeleteDecember is a particularly difficult time for loss. I am sorry you had to go through this twenty years ago. I am glad you are honoring your losses, but I am also glad that the sadness doesn't stay that long anymore.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mali, as always, for your presence and wisdom.
Much love from freezing Switzerland!
I'm glad you let yourself remember and I'm glad the sadness doesn't stay very long anymore. Thank you for sharing this. It means a lot. <3
ReplyDeleteSending so much love to you -- anniversaries are hard, especially when it feels like sometimes feeling the feels means we aren't "healed." Thank you for sharing your time of remembrance, and sending a big squeezy hug to you.
ReplyDelete20 years is a lifetime ago and yesterday, all at once. Sending (((hugs))).
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