I spent much of the winter reading a book, The Believer, by Sarah Krasnostein. Every few days I would dip back into it. Other things were preoccupying me, but I never lost interest in the book. It’s nonfiction, about people who believe things that many of us do not, covering people in various religious sects, UFO believers, ghost hunters, and mentions unexplained events. It’s an exploration of what motivates them, how different we all are, and yet how similar we can be too. It was unlike almost anything I have read, and I’m not even sure what the author’s message was yet (I’ll be thinking about it for a while), but the people she followed and their stories were compelling.
Much of the book was about individuals. Some were parents, some weren't. That was all irrelevant, in many ways. But you never know when a book, any book, will pop up with an explanation or comment that I can equate to our No Kidding situations.
Her final sentences included one about acceptance. I really liked it, as often in this community people rage against the idea of acceptance. I think I probably did too, until I realised that acceptance for me wasn’t a rejection of everything I had been through, it wasn’t betrayal, and it didn’t mean forgetting.
She wrote, “… acceptance is not the euphoric relief one finds on waking from a nightmare …” That explains so much, and I really like it. When we talk about acceptance after loss or grief, I know a lot of people think that it means we have to like the outcome. When for me, it is simply a calm acceptance of the facts.
She went on to say that acceptance is really the solidity that comes from embracing … reality …” I’ve edited out some words at the end, simply because this phrase – “the solidity that comes from embracing … reality” – says it all for me. It explains the serenity that accompanies acceptance. Knowing, for certain, that this was my life and that raging against it would do nothing to change the realities of that life, brought a degree of comfort and certainty that allowed me to continue to move forward.
I've written a lot about Acceptance. You can find other posts about it by clicking here.
Yes!
ReplyDeleteFor a long time, I was very resistant to the idea of acceptance regarding being childless not-by-choice. I thought acceptance meant I "approved" of everything. But then I shifted my thinking to seeing acceptance as "living in reality." It became a more objective concept for me, rather than a subjective one where I felt like I had to be okay with everything. Nope! I didn't have to like my circumstances; I just chose to live in reality about them.
Of course, now I like to say I played the hand that was dealt to me pretty damn well, but that took lots and lots (and lots!) of time and hard work. But it all began with acceptance (i.e., living in reality).