I have discovered I love Carolyn Hax. She’s an advice columnist at The Washington Post, and I would never have heard of her if it hadn’t been for Mel at Stirrup Queens quoting her from time to time. I now have a subscription for the online Post, and part of the reason is her! She is so unerringly sensible, kind but direct. And sometimes really funny.
The other day I saw an old question reposted, and in her response she said something that I’ve tried to say here too. Someone was worried that by expressing their true wishes they'd offend a friend. Her answer was a classic:
“The sooner you learn that “direct” and “mean” are not synonymous, the better for your entire relationship future.”
I’ve often worried that same thing, when I have felt under attack
simply for mentioning that my reality is different from another person's. I’ve seen a lot of people (on blogs and in messageboards) over the years worry that by speaking up
for themselves they are being rude or unkind. No! We can be tactfully direct, eg
by saying “those of us without children might see things differently/have to do
things differently,” without ever being rude. Talking about our reality is not
rude, or mean. It’s simply being truthful.
I know I’m repeating myself. But the older I get, the more I believe this. Don't get me wrong, I'm someone who hates conflict, and likes to smooth waters. But these days, I no longer feel the need to subjugate my truth and feelings for the mistaken perception that by speaking my truth I might upset someone else.
Other posts in this vein of thought can be found by clicking here and, with a lot of overlap, here.
I'll repost this image reminding us we can be honest and true to ourselves, and still be a kind person:
