I know. Sounds like a terrible movie doesn’t it? Bad Parenting II, straight to DVD!
But after writing my previous post, I wanted to add some things, as I think I missed some of the point of Lisa’s feelings about bad parenting, and the extreme emotion she still feels from time to time. I used to feel that anger; anger about terrible parents, and confusion about why they should get to have children and I don’t?
Every time I would hear of a child taken into care, or worse, a child hospitalised or killed through terrible parenting (sadly all too frequent an occurrence), not just ignorant or negligent but often cruel parenting, and my heart would just about explode from the emotion. So often I would think “I’ll take that child” – knowing that I would be a better parent than the ones inflicted on the child by birth, knowing that I could (as much as anyone) keep that child safer than they were with their biological parents. And that horrible question “Why? What did I do to deserve this?” would rear its ugly head again.
But I don’t feel that now. I believe in the randomness of the world. This doesn’t mean I agree with it. It’s just the way the world works. It isn’t fair. And let’s face it, in the grand scheme of things, being a girl born in New Zealand in the latter part of the 20th century to parents with open and curious minds is about as lucky as you can get. I’ve had my fair share of good luck from the universe.
And so when I see this randomness at work I don’t feel as angry, as aggrieved, as I used to. Yes, I feel sad that a child has to suffer. Yes, I feel angry that a child has to suffer. Yes, I abhor the behaviour of so many selfish or simply stupid parents who ruin/destroy/end the lives of their children. And even on a lesser scale, yes, I get frustrated at idiot parents raising a generation of adults who feel entitled, who can’t spell and think grammar is the old lady who buys them sweets, who think etiquette and manners are old-fashioned, and that being famous is the most important thing in the world. (OMG I sound old!)
But I don’t feel that strong emotion anymore, the need to scream against the utter injustice of it all, that feeling that I was being judged and found wanting and that that was the reason why I don’t have children. No, in fact, seeing idiot parents just confirms to me that in fact the opposite was true. I wasn’t judged and found wanting, anymore than they were judged and found worthy. It doesn’t work like that. Everything happens for a reason? Don’t ever tell me that! The world is random and unfair. I’ve learned to live with that.
Apologies - I know this is repetitive, and I've said some of it before. But I felt like saying it again, so I did!