Monday, 14 May 2012

The neverending Mother's Day


Mother’s Day can be torture to infertile women.  We all know that.  Mother’s Day torture lasts weeks, it's not just a day.  It lasts from the moments the first advertisements (commercials) appear in the newspapers and on TV, or flash at us unexpectedly on websites, and builds up in intensity to the day itself.  For those earlier in the process, this really can be torture.  Even those of us who have had years to come to terms with our non-mother status can’t help but - in between the shrugs of feigned indifference - feel the odd twinges of pain. 

This year Mother’s Day coincided with my husband’s birthday.  We went out the night before for a posh dinner at a beautiful restaurant in a stunning old bank building, and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.  But on the day itself, we felt kind of lost.  We’d have liked to go out to our favourite brunch place.  We go about every second week, and it had been two weeks since we last visited.  We usually turn up to the children-not-encouraged restaurant about 1 pm, chat and laugh with the lovely guys who run the place, and have a relaxed and delicious light lunch.  It would have been the perfect mid-day treat for my husband, as we had nothing planned all day except to head out to visit his mother that evening.  But even now, after all these years, we looked at each other, pictured the restaurant full of happy families feting their mothers, and said “no.”  I thought I might be ready to face a restaurant at lunch on Mother’s Day.  But apparently I’m not.  Maybe next year.

So I got up this morning (Monday here in NZ), worked out, visited another favourite place for coffee (and it was such bad weather there wasn’t a mother with child in sight), and felt free.  M’s Day over for another year.  But I forgot didn’t I?  I forgot about the time zone, where it is still Mother’s Day in the US.  So Facebook (I have a lot of friends from the US) had a number of self-congratulations, and of course the blogs I read were all posting about it too (although many with beautiful sentiments well worth a read).  And wryly, I reflected that this year Mother’s Day is taking an awfully long time to end.

11 comments:

  1. Oh, dear. I hadn't thought that with globalization, a holiday can actually last more like 47 hours. Is my calculation right?

    Happy birthday to your husband. It's still Sunday here :-)

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  2. It seemed to me this year that we (in the UK) got MD twice - our own Mothering Sunday in March and the rest of the world's MD yesterday.
    But - it's over for another 10/12 months!
    Happy belated birthday to your husband.

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  3. YES! I was just considering my next blog post being on this - how MD slid past relatively quietly and without fanfare, but today I got special thoughts and wishes from a special lady in the States, and now a plethora of blogposts (I guess thats what happens when you follow a plethora of American bloggers).

    Its everywhere! And this year, I only seem to have heard about it from the infertile/childfree collective! I guess I succeeded in making my fb page a bearable zone, finally!

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  4. I felt those pangs as well this year (funnily enough I didn't feel anything in previous years, though I thought I'd feel something). Anyhow...yesterday on Mother's Day we stayed home. Celebrated it earlier at MIL's place on Sat already (I cooked for her and brought salad and flowers and a gift) and we had fun playing cards. No kids nearby (THANK GOD).

    But when I checked FB yesterday, I saw a deluge of Mother's Day's pics and greetings and all that...and I just felt bummed (wanted to hide all of those but I'd already seen them so it was useless). Instead I wrote in my wall: "Happy Nurturer's Day" and got 2 people to like it. Another childless-not-by-choice friend sent me a greeting through her wall, thanking me for having been there and all that. SO sweet! :-)))

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  5. Oof--I'm sorry MDay was so long. I hadn't thought about the time zones extending it.

    Btw, I loved your Huff Post article and congrats! So well written and I'm going to bookmark it.

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  6. ooof. Yeah. I hadn't even thought of how it drags out for people in different time zones. On Saturday night, I saw the first Mother's Day stuff going on Facebook, and I avoided it all day Sunday. I feel bad b/c I have a lot of great friends that are moms, but once I saw one post on Facebook, I realized I couldn't do a whole day of them.

    About a month until Father's Day and then we are free of these "parenting" holidays for another year. Thank Goodness.

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  7. I holed up on Sunday (my husband was out of town, so I didn't want to risk a public outing). I thought I had survived it, but forgot about the lunchtime recap that the mothers in my department would give out today. I successfully zoned out when I felt the emotions building up. I've given in to them often enough in front of them; now I can hold it in until I feel safe to let go.

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  8. It's true. It feels like the longest holiday ever. I'm so happy it's over.

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  9. If it was just the one day... but it seems like as soon as Easter is over (& sometimes even before it, depending on when it comes), the store signs and ads start up. Some years I am more successful at ignoring them than others.

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  11. I have the perfect solution!!!

    Come to Italy for next mother's day. I literally didn't realize the holiday happened this year. No internet in the house I rented. No ads, well few. I literally was here with my mom and we both forgot the holiday including her friend who is also a mom. Their husbands remembered (they are still stateside), but all of us were immune to the holiday. We had a lovely time enjoying each others company and the place, and it was honestly the first Mother's Day in years that didn't smack me coming and going.

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