I got a few comments on my Huff Post piece saying “what about the men?” They ran rather sarcastically along the lines of “men don’t count, only women’s feelings count, everyone forgets the man” etc etc. And I guess, if you’re coming into either my blog or read that article, you might think that. I mean, I rarely talk about my husband on-line. I don’t do it on A Separate Life, I don’t do it on Facebook, and I don’t do it here. Even when he is mentioned, he’s “my husband” or simply “him/he.”
The thing is, it was my choice to go on-line to talk about my life, not his. He struggles to even read my blogs. He’s only on Facebook so he can see photos of relatives, he doesn’t even know what a status update is, and he can’t imagine anything worse than writing for fun! He’s been selectively private about our infertility. (He hasn’t discussed it with his family, but he has discussed it with a friend of his who has gone through infertility.) And of course, his experience with infertility has been different to mine. He’s watched me go through extremes during our marriage – initially very pro-contraception, right through to the cycle charting, the IVF injecting, and the thoughts of adoption or using donor eggs. He’s watched me go through physical risk and emotional turmoil, at the same time coping with his own emotions of loss. That’s his experience of infertility, and whilst I think I understand it somewhat, I know I don’t understand it 100%.
His experience of infertility, and indeed his experience of living with no kids, is his experience, not mine. I respect that. I know that it is his story, not mine. And I know that his story is not my story to write.