Monday, 9 February 2015

#MicroblogMondays Quote: Choosing not to worry



I take refuge in the fact that I can't change anything by agonizing about it, so I don't.



My husband can do this; I think many men can. I remember telling him how much I wanted to be able to do this. The idea of saying “I choose not to worry” was, especially when I was in the midst of loss and infertility, completely unfathomable.

I learned though that it was possible to do this when I stopped imagining myself as a mother, when I knew thinking and worrying would achieve nothing but bring me pain. I’m better at it now, but still not a master. But I can tell my brain, sometimes, to put something away till later. I call that progress.

19 comments:

  1. I need to learn how to do this. I know worrying doesn't do anything to help, but damned be me because I still find myself fretting a lot.

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  2. This is something I need to get better at too... Playing the same song on repeat in my head doesn't get me anywhere. Thanks for the reminder.

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  3. I am trying to master this art too. It is difficult not to worry. But I think I am getting better at it. :) It is nice to know that there are others going through the same. :)

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  4. My husband is also a master at it, while I get carried away with my worries. He always says that he thinks it's going to shave years off my life and he's probably right - ah, to have the power to let go and not worry.

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  5. I read somewhere that if we all had a chance to pile all our problems at once place and then pick once each, we would pick the ones that were initially ours. So stopping to worry about what we can't do anything about is to stay calm and sail through this journey of life. Smile and good ways will be on your way soon!

    Here is my entry to today's microblog - https://happinessandfood.wordpress.com/2015/02/09/microblogmondays-recognition-is-happiness/

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  6. My hubby used to be good at this, but I think IF has chipped away at his ability somewhat. I still can't fathom how to do it...

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  7. I agree...it is not so easy at all. But I realized that things turned out easier for me when I startet to imagine myself in new roles, when I painted a new picture of my life in different beautyfull colours INSTEAD of trying and trying and trying NOT to focus anymore on imagining myself as a mother....the focus is changing by itself on that way....
    It is something like that: it is more easy and positive to be PRO than DENY...
    xo, Isa
    - uah....that sounds a little bit crazy in English. Sorry :-))))

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  8. Good for you. I wish I could do this consistently, but I can't.

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  9. Sometimes is much better than never. I'm pretty much in the never category. Something bigger needs to happen to distract me from the smaller worry, but that doesn't really count.

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  10. LOVE the quote! Actually I think it depends on the person. A friend has just told me that her husband was having a hard time because of worry and "what ifs" and regrets.

    P.S. And here's to progress!!!! Worry is also my problem, but I think I'm making progress, as well.

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  11. I think a lot of women need to learn how to do this. I definitely do. But my hat's off to you for making that progress!

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  12. It's a funny thing how something can be not a big deal me, for example traveling/airports, and others is endless hours of being worry, like having people visit and stay with me. Maybe one day, we will achieve that perfect balance.

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    1. Oh yes, that's true! Things that don't bother me bother others, and vice versa. Sadly, I don't think there's such a thing as a perfect balance. Believing that takes off a lot of pressure! (I hope it's not a cop out.)

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  13. Definitely progress. This is incredibly difficult to put into practice. I think I read it in Lavender Luz's book on open adoption, that worrying makes you experience the bad thing at least once and maybe even twice (once when you worry about it and then it doesn't happen, and then if it does happen you've already experienced it in your mind). That helps me to try to control my What-If-ing. I think there's a difference between worrying and agonizing though, right? :)

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  14. It is wonderful you're doing better! My husband never worries, whereas I always have all the worries of the world on my shoulders. However the flip side of that is I do all the planning - worry can also mean being good at anticipating what we'll need or how to make things easier, which my husband is incapable of doing.

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  15. Oh, if only my husband would stop agonizing over things. Somethings, like IF he had no problems with (that I saw) and other things he is always worrying over.

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  16. I suck at not worrying. If I am a Master at anything it's definitely worrying....lol

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  17. This is a great quote. One of the things I'm focused on in life right now is sorting the things I can control, from the things I cannot control. I have not mastered this, I have not just magically stopped worrying, but I do feel I'm improving... it's such a hard battle!

    And I think you are right, there is a gender socialization/gender genetic difference that goes on here.

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