But we had some hours to relax and rewind, and so I came online. I found a link to this post by Em. She expresses her feelings about parenting post-infertility, and how infertility defines how she feels, and how the hardships of parenthood are similar to those of infertility. I take issue with, but understand (sighing) her comment about "those who aren't parents YET" and her desire to "fill our empty arms" which in itself doesn't acknowledge the realities that for some women, their infertility outcome will be living with no kids. (But we all know how taboo it is to mention a "childless" outcome in the IF community.) However, that was a minor irritant in a very interesting, honest, and heartfelt post. I have never felt that those who parent after infertility need to apologise for it, and hope very much that she didn't write her post out of survivor's guilt. I have always just hoped that women who parent after infertility recognise the journey they have been through, and recognise the journeys of others. And she does this.
I particularly loved this paragraph, and wanted to reproduce it here:
"When my love for my daughter literally steals my breath and makes my heart feel like it's going to explode, when the fear of something happening to her rises to the level of spiritual warfare ... I remind myself that my infertile friends do know that love and that fear. Many of their worst fears have been realized. They love their miscarried and stillborn babies every day of their lives. Many others know the agonizingly ambiguous loss of their dreams. They love the children in their imaginations. It is a real, powerful, mama bear love that should never be dismissed or minimized."I love her for those last two sentences, and those last few words. She is the first person who I feel has ever said what is in my heart. And I thank her wholeheartedly for that.