22 December, 2013

Speed warning

I thought I would have a leisurely December, but no, it is full speed ahead and I fear I will just crash into the end of the year without getting much more posting done.  I have lots of thoughts and ideas, just no time.  And now all the relatives have arrived in town, it's only getting worse.  My first resolution for 2014 will be to be a better blogger here.

I did want to note one thing though.  In the spirit of the season, I was pleased to see that I changed a comment I was making on another blogger's post (she and her husband are childfree, but she is not an ALI blogger, and I don't know her story).  She posted about going to see a school play in her small community, and all the children who are part of her lives who were performing.  And I started to say how envious I was that she had all these children in her lives.  I don't have many children in my life.  Partly because the children of friends grow up and move away, and partly because many of the nieces and nephews live overseas. 

But then I paused.  Yes, I was envious.  I was also envious that the children had met my friend.  We have been internet (first blogging, then FB) friends for about seven years now, but I haven't met this friend who is freezing in Vermont at the current time.  But then I thought how petty it all sounded.  Her happiness doesn't change my reality.  I'm very glad my friend has these children in her life, and that they have her in theirs.  And as soon as I changed my comment, I felt uplifted.


  1. Mali, you are such a wise woman.

  2. I censor myself on Facebook all the time. There are times i'd really like to be snarky. There are times when i think people should realize they are bragging (and i want to say to them "Go tell that person how much you love them! Stop bragging!"). But most of the time friends are simply sharing their daily joys and gratitudes.

    I am often envious of others' lives. I am also aware there is much in my life others might envy. I know at least half a dozen women (and probably many more) who wish they had a partner like my husband. With that in mind, i've told my husband i won't be praising him on FB. I will tell him in person how much he means to me.

    Yes, i'm envious of folks with children in their lives, including children who are not their own. I've been actively looking for about 4 years now, it can be a challenge.

  3. I find that it's really tough to know the lines when you're dealing with close friends (I mean, really close friends). On one hand, you want to share your life stories and those painful moments, on the other hand you don't want to rain on someone else's parade...but you want to let them know some (if not all) of your struggles, as well. I suppose timing is crucial on this kind of dilemma. But I agree with Nell and Klara. You're a wise woman!

  4. Ha! I am just now seeing this, trying to catch up a little with you over here, and it's interesting to read this in opposite chronology from above posts. I'm childfree by choice. My husband and I were always one-or-noners, and we never felt like we wanted a child enough. So we never tried to have one. I wasn't a particularly happy child, and I'm not at all sure I would've made a good mother. That said, many people in my life have been surprised I haven't had children and tell me I'd be a great mother. Who's to say? We'll never know. I'm lucky right now to have friends with children whom I really like (most of the time). I can visit with them, and then I can go home to my quiet house. This past week I was away visiting with high school friends, and I kept showing off photos of my 3-year-old BFF, Gigi. I was the only childfree woman in the five, and I told Gigi's mom that I was probably as annoying to them as a new mom (which is kind of silly, because *I* don't find new moms and their photos annoying). The mom said that she thought the world really needed people like me—people without children who were happy to be a part of kids' lives. I took that as a huge compliment. With any luck at all, Gigi and I will continue to like each other as we grow older! (forgive this possibly too-rambling post)

    1. I'm glad you saw this - better late than never! And glad Gigi's mom said that she's glad the world needed people like you. (I'd second that - for who you are, and for your writing.)