24 December, 2013

You are not alone

If this year is difficult for you, if you're dreading the holiday season, then all I can say is "you are not alone."  Every year, as the memories of December (two pregnancy losses - one in December and one in January that started on Christmas Day) seep through the cracks I thought had healed, I am conscious that I am not the only one who might find this time of year difficult at times.

I recently met a friend of my mother's.  Her son lost his 24-year-old daughter to cancer just two months ago.  "They're going to have a very difficult year this year," she said sadly.  She went on to say how she then feels very upset at the pressure for everyone to have such a good time at Christmas.  She gets it.  We are not alone.

And I shared my own experiences.  The fact that many women who can't have children dread this time of year, the emphasis on children, the family or social gatherings that can bring painful reminders or see awkward gaffes from the insensitive.  And we talked about how Christmas is a very painful time for many people, not just those of us without children, but those who have lost someone this year, those who might be alone, or who are ill, or afraid, or who have lost their jobs, or who have to work and don't get time off to be with the people they want to be with, or those who can't afford to be with those they want to be with.  Etcetera etcetera.  Of course, it's not just the Christmas thing.  I suspect that this happens in many other cultures (Chinese New Year, Thanksgiving, as just two examples) too.  We get it.  You are not alone.

And so at this time of year, I always take a moment to think of those who don't have family or friends around them, those who are simply, sad or lonely or both.  It is tough for many people, and if we have ever been through this, we know how hard it is for others.  You are not alone.

But I, for one, also know that it gets easier.  And if you feel alone right now, I hope you feel less alone, and can take heart that you won't always feel like this.

Sending you all hugs, and love, and thanks for being here and reading me and sharing your wisdom in the comments.  And I give you all my very best wishes.


  1. dear Mali,
    it is lovely to know that I am not alone.
    I wish you & DH a Merry Christmas and all the best in the New year.
    I am sending you hugs & love from Slovenia to New Zealand.

  2. Thank you for this lovely post. Today (Christmas Eve) is the anniversary of my last miscarriage and even though it was four years ago it still hurts.
    Wishing you and your husband a good Christmas and New Year.

  3. Thank you for this post. This is the time of year which makes so many feel alone. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

  4. A gorgeous post. Thank you for sending your voice out there. For abiding with so that no one needs to go through the difficult times alone.

  5. Thank you for your post and thoughts for you today. Your post shows how when you allow yourself to lean into the pain of loss that it can open you up to be more compassionate and aware of others who are struggling or experiencing a great sadness. It is in sharing those feelings of loneliness that it can help others who feel alone to not feel so alone. Thank you.

  6. Lovely post. Thank you, Mali, & merry Christmas!

  7. Such a lovely and thoughtful post, Mali. Belated Christmas wishes and here's to a beautiful year with a variety of memories and lessons!

  8. Thanks for the very heart-touching post. Compassion is much valued during holidays.

  9. I found your blog! I, too, deal with December blues, as it represents a due date that I didn't make it to and the normal everyone-has-kids-but-me-at-Christmas. I look forward to connecting with you and others through blogging!