Tomorrow will be six weeks since my surgery. Whilst I’m still under the care of my surgeon, and will be for a few more weeks until some issues are resolved, today I was cleared to start some gentle exercise, and resume most normal activities.
I have to say, I feel alternately exhilarated and terrified. Both for the same reason. Because now (or at least in a month or two) there is no longer any room for excuses. The health issues that required me to have surgery have influenced my life over the last few years, and very intensely since we returned from our extended overseas travels late last year. They have restricted my life in a number of ways, and this resulted in a loss of confidence and a mental block when looking at the future.
But I'm pleased to report that right now I feel free, unencumbered, and enthusiastic about the future. I remember that this is also how I felt years ago when I realised that I was enjoying life without kids. I realised that I was feeling professionally challenged and satisfied, personally buoyed by accomplishments and skills and feedback as a volunteer, and as a result, personally content with all that was going on in my life.
My aim is to get back to that place. And the difference is that this time, I don’t have to overcome grief and self-doubt to do it. … OK, maybe a little self-doubt, but that’s only natural isn't it?