"If I'm asked one more time when I'm going to start a family, I'm going to scream!" she complained. "What am I supposed to say? That we've been off contraception for a year? That we do it every Thursday?"
It was good that she maintained her sense of humour.
I suggested she tell them if she wanted them to know she'd have told them already.
Now though I'm trying to decide if or how I should reach out, so she knows she's not alone. It saddens me that the next generation might also have to deal with this. I didn't want to pass the torch this way.
people really need to mind their own business sometimes! Some of the intrusive questions are just hurtful!
ReplyDeleteOh..this is so much pain when you are trying hard to get somewhere and people constantly probe when are you getting there. And the worst question is ;When are you starting your family' as if two (husband and wife) do not make a family in themselves. I have been through this a lot since I had my child after 5 years of my marriage.
ReplyDeleteI would reach out. Not because you are passing on a torch, but because you are letting her know she's not alone. Even if she doesn't reciprocate or even respond. At least she's not alone.
ReplyDeleteI think you've already reached out by suggesting a good comeback. If you want to tell her more, by all means do. It sounds like she'd be receptive and sympathetic.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a bizarrely intimate question. Was it ever really okay to ask that?
ReplyDeleteI like your comeback, and her sense of humor. It can't hurt to reach out, as others have said, so that she isn't alone. You can always just let her know you know what that feels like, and that you're there to talk when and if she needs an understanding, listening ear. That last line gave me goosebumps...
ReplyDeleteAs someone in my twenties, I always here "When do you want to have kids?", "When are you going to start a family?". We always answer, when we feel like it. It's such a personal thing.... And it sometimes like my personal space has been invaded when it's asked.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually dealing with this right now. My sister in-law and her husband had their vasectomy reversed. They've been trying to a year now to get pregnant. On one hand, I hate that they can reverse the decision they made. But now, as the one year mark approaches, I feel for her. I've thought of reaching out to her, but I haven't been able to yet.
ReplyDeleteAh, in Indonesia people ask that question a lot. The same as asking "When are you going to get married?" even to single people. Crazy stuff! It's going to take a lot of time and many generations to stop it from happening as people there don't even think twice about asking that kind of question. It's like asking, "How are you?" I even had a neighbour ask me if my period was regular or not (considering the fact I'd said that we were trying at that time and he - yes, he! - knew we didn't come back with a child yet).
ReplyDeleteHope you can reach out more to her. :-)