There were almost insurmountable practical barriers to adoption:
- Domestic adoption in New Zealand is rare these days.
- Because of this, competition is stiff. And as older parents, chances we would have been chosen were slim.
- International adoptions are very expensive, and can take a long time to finalise. We didn’t have time to spare.
There were also other issues that were complicated to resolve:
- We were both feeling our age. Did we want to become new parents at this stage? Would it be fair to the child?
- Complicated feelings towards other issues, including adopting older children (would we be able to give these children what they needed?), open adoptions (I support these but they bring their own challenges), and international adoptions (having lived in Asia, and with part-Asian nieces and nephews, we were comfortable with the idea of having an Asian child, but conflicted about some of the other ethical considerations).
- We were tired and demoralised.
- General misgivings/other issues.