17 August, 2015

#MicroblogMondays: Running out of time

This last year I’ve been looking for jobs. I’ve applied for the few jobs that are appealing and relevant to me and my experience and abilities, attended a few interviews, and in between have been thinking about what I would really like to do. (Yes, I’m still trying to decide what I’d like to be when I grow up!)

My husband has also been without work for most of that time (though not just now), so I’ve been fretting about retirement savings, worrying about what sort of a lifestyle we’ll be able to live when we’re old. And of course, that becomes a little more pointed when there are no children to take up any slack, in the way that my sister or I can – if necessary – for my mother.

I feel as if I’m running out of time, and that is a bit of a flashback to trying to conceive, when I knew I was running out of time there too. The insecurities are different, but - like infertility - I struggle to escape them, even when I know I'm highly skilled and employable.

Yet today, I feel hopeful, simply because I feel good, I’ve worked out this morning, had a coffee that has perked me up, and I’m sitting at the computer, focusing on the good in my life, and ready to rock!


  1. Who says we should have it all figured out by the time we are in our twenties? I still don't know what I want to do with my life if it turns out we'll be childless. It's never really been something I think about as I just assume I'd be having children and taking care of them when I got older. Life and its lemons huh?

    I'm in the same boat, looking for a job. Good luck with the job hunting Mali. Stay positive.

    1. I didn't have it figured out in my twenties, thirties, forties, and ... still don't have it figured out! lol

      Good luck with your job hunting!

  2. I'm still waiting to feel like a grown up. It just seems like the brain doesn't keep the same pace as the body!

    And time just keeps speeding up... the months and years are starting to fly by way too fast now.

    I hope you find a job that is both wonderfully compensated and perfectly suited to your talents. And most of all that working there makes you really happy to just be there. Then it won't feel like work, and I think that's the best kind of job to have. :) Good luck!

  3. I admire your ability to feel hopeful in a difficult situation. An unfortunate but beneficial side effect of infertility is that it teaches you to roll with the punches. Simply put, we're well practiced in picking ourselves up, dusting off, and carrying on. Fingers crossed that you find your dream job soon!

    P.S., I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up either!

  4. It's awesome how you've taken stock of the situation and are working to find the job that really is a good fit for you instead of listening to those insecurities you describe. I admire you for holding out for the right job for you.

    Best of luck in your search!

  5. I very much relate! There is much in the way of similarities about the infertility/TTC insecurities and that sense of anxiety about the future. And, as much as I love my life right now, I wonder about how much of a safety net we'll need down the line and -- of course -- the real unknown: our health and what we may need in the way of advocacy/support.

    Glad you got in a good workout and some caffeine to rev your sense of can-do spirit. xo

  6. I can relate as well. I'm not job hunting, but I still sometimes feel like I'm too young to be retired -- and even though we've been over & over the numbers, it's hard to shake concerns about the future, particularly when there's no kids to turn to for help, as you pointed out. On the other hand, even if I was job hunting, I know it's a tough market out there, particularly for people of our vintage. :p Glad you are managing to stay positive!

  7. I would put looking for a job as a top 5 stressors (moving, family building, death being others). You're being judged, and who the hell wants to be judged? Hang in there. I hope something good comes along soon.

  8. Job hunting is so draining. My Beloved has been looking for a job for 18 months and it just gets more and more exhausting. I worry that our wee-lings will still be sharing a room when they graduate from high school, and that I will never feel like I have it all together.

  9. Stopping over from Microblog Monday, I feel like I struggle with deciding what I Want to be when I grow up too! Nice to know I'm not alone.
    Emotions are so fluid, and insecurities are tough! I'm glad you're having a good day though!

  10. I am glad you are feeling hopeful. I feel like there are people who know what they want to be when they grow up and it doesn't change much (like my husband who's always known he was going to be an engineer) and those for whom it's more fluid. Doesn't make it less stressful to be a fluid person, but I think you're in good company. Thinking about all the retirement and later-in-life planning is definitely a stressor. I hope the job hunt goes well and you find your perfect niche and can ease your worries.

  11. Wishing you well on your clarifying and job hunt. I like the way you tamed the anxiety critter as it crept up on you. And that it involved coffee!

  12. Wishing you all the best in the job hunt, Mali!