Last week on #Microblog Mondays, Cristy
asked her readers to finish the sentence, “Infertility is ________.”
My first reaction was a rude word, as I remembered my own
pain, and thought of all the people I know, and all those I don’t, who are
going through pain right now because of infertility.
Closely followed on the heels of that expletive that first shot
to mind/fingers/lips, was the sudden realisation that the word I was really looking
for was “over.”
Of course, I am living with the results of infertility, and
I always will – and that means that there are times I will feel sad or
regretful about what never was. But for me, happily, infertility is over, and
no longer has day-to-day power over me.
Discovering that I feel this way was liberating - I felt a burden had lifted, and stood taller, straighter, stronger - as it means I
have done the grieving, endured the growth pains, and moved through healing to
a good place. With the will to grow and to embrace our lives, I think this is
the inevitable destination for all of us on this journey. Arriving at “over,”
all we have to do now is just live.
For me, infertility is a medical condition, and I have not and cannot be "cured." It's a part of me and who I am, and always will be. It may not be life-threatening (as some like to point out) but it is not life-enhancing. But I'll agree that it doesn't have the power over me that it once did. I still have bad days now & then when I curse infertility for what it did (& did not do) to me & my life -- but for the most part, I have made my peace with it.
ReplyDeleteI think maybe we're both saying the same - that we've made our peace with it.
DeleteThough you've got me thinking about the intricacies of this.
I love this. Infertility isn't over for me, but I do know that time will take care of that for good, and my mind will have to catch up.
ReplyDeleteHow I love this sentence, "The infertility is over." I can not wait until I will be able to say this sentence could be mine.
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting point. I think we want to know if an experience is one thing or another so we can get a handle on it. But once you add in the factor of time, it can be -- over time -- both devastating and resolvable, neither one, one or the other in flux, and eventually resolving.
ReplyDeleteIt's wonderful to be in a place where with confidence you can say, INfertility is OVER. I feel like for me, that horrible day-to-day reality of the treatments and feelings associated with fresh bad news and physical pain is over, and I'm tremendously grateful, but I can't truly say it's over until my body stops betraying me and reminding me that my lady parts are completely deficient. Like Loribeth, my infertility comes with a diagnosis, physical things that will remind me for the rest of my life that I am different from reproductively typical women, and prone to other health conditions to boot. I feel like maybe when it's over I will be able to not be quite so bitter about it, but maybe that's me being Pollyanna. Maybe being bitter but not constantly devastated is being over. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you followed up with your comment with this post. I have my own thoughts where I plan on weaving in the feedback I got from this micropost, but you're adding an element that is absolutely important for resolving.
ReplyDeleteMaking peace. So liberating. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteI love this. It's hugely reassuring to hear you say that infertility eventually does come to a point where it doesn't have the day-to-day power to cause pain and wound. Not there yet, but I'm keeping this one bookmarked because it's a wonderful reminder that this day will come.
ReplyDelete