28 September, 2015

#MicroblogMondays: Mothering

I'm currently away from home, mothering my mother who is vanishing as she stands right before me, unable to understand why I do the things I do only because they must be done to help her, confused at the additional struggles that would make life difficult for anyone, let alone someone who is slowly forgetting everything, including herself.

I talk a lot on this blog about finding joy in the small things, and we still laugh and enjoy a cup of tea and a citrus slice, or the snow on the mountains today, or the elephant seal pup on the beach on Saturday.

But it is not lost on me that this will be my only experience of mothering anyone, when things happen in reverse, and there is no great joy (and even the little joys are disappearing daily), and there is in its place only sadness. 
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20 comments:

  1. Jen28 September 2015 at 23:32

    Holding you in my thoughts, and wishing you moments of peace even in the midst of sadness.

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  2. BentNotBroken29 September 2015 at 00:13

    Hugs, Mali. I wish you peace during this challenging time.

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  3. loribeth29 September 2015 at 00:52

    Oh Mali, I am thinking of you. :(

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  4. Valery29 September 2015 at 01:20

    So sorry for your sadness. The slowly forgetting, the deteriorating health. It is so hard, and getting harder. And then you still have to take care of yourself, too. Sending hugs and virtual cups of tea.

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  5. Unknown29 September 2015 at 01:34

    I'm sorry to hear about the slow loss of your mother. Having lost my own mother through a long illness I can imagine some of the things you might be feeling. Wishing you peace love and hope.

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  6. Cristy29 September 2015 at 06:05

    Much love and many hugs to you my friend. I'm thinking of you during this time.

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  7. Klara29 September 2015 at 08:18

    I can only imagine how difficult it is for you.
    (I know a bit about it - I have been watching for the last two years my DH, taking care of his mother who has Alzheimer).
    hugs to you.

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  8. The Barreness29 September 2015 at 10:02

    Sending so many hugs your way.
    I can only imagine how sad and difficult this time is for you.
    Know that you are being thought of with love and care and hope <3

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  9. Unknown29 September 2015 at 16:45

    Tears for you Mali. Wow, what a beautiful, sad post. Take care.

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  10. CandyGirl29 September 2015 at 19:45

    Sometimes there are no words. Hugs.

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  11. Amel29 September 2015 at 21:09

    (((HUGS))) Such a poignant post, Mali. I'm so sorry that your mom is slipping away. It is very difficult to be there for someone who's vanishing. I wish you peace as well and comfort for your mom.

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  12. Lollipop Goldstein30 September 2015 at 12:58

    This post made me hold my breath, especially the last paragraph. Holding you in my heart as you hold your mother.

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  13. Jamie30 September 2015 at 20:52

    My heart is heavy for you. (Hugs) You are a gift to your mother. I am sorry to hear of her declining health.

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  14. Deathstar1 October 2015 at 18:16

    I just want to say I understand. Can I share something with you? I remember one time when I was walking my mother down a busy street, holding her hand. By sheer coincidence the care staff had dressed her a in orange and white (and I showed up that day in orange and white) and I felt my whole heart almost explode at the thought that there was a time when she held me hand when I was a little girl, protecting me as we walked. If I were to let go, she'd be lost and confused. At the time, I was childless and I had the exact thought in my head. My heart goes out to you. You are a good daughter.

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  15. Pamela T.1 October 2015 at 19:22

    I am so glad you can find the joy in small shared moments. These truly are the gifts that life serves up to us. xo

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  16. nicole2 October 2015 at 10:03

    Huge, huge huge hugs to you. I can only imagine how tough it is to see your mom fading. I remember my mom taking care of my grandmother as she got older and more frail. It's such a lovely gift to have that time with her and I'm glad you are finding some joy there.

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  17. Lori Lavender Luz3 October 2015 at 02:30

    I am in awe of your ability to find joy in the small things, even during the slow-motion loss you are experiencing. Sending you my love.

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  18. Anonymous3 October 2015 at 04:32

    Thinking of you and wishing you peace as you walk through this time. I'm sorry you're going through this and glad that you are able to find some moments of joy to treasure.

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  19. Anonymous5 October 2015 at 15:11

    Wish I had useful words........I am holding you and your mother in my heart.

    I always appreciate your perspectives, Mali, this one in particular zings right through my core.

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  20. Justine L11 October 2015 at 15:05

    Like many of the others, this took my breath away. May there be moments of peace, knowing that you are giving her the comfort that no other can, even amidst the sadness. Holding you both in my heart.

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