One of the hazards of blogging on No Kidding lives and
infertility is that the very words that attract readers (“childless” or “infertility,”
for example) will occasionally attract those who have something to sell or who
just want to stir up trouble. There are the miracle cures, the ovulation predictors, or the surrogate clinics from India, to name just a few, along with
the occasional aggressive member of the “just adopt” brigade. None of these are
appropriate on this blog, which is all about moving on to the next phase after
infertility, living without children, not looking for solutions on how to have them.
So I have no compunction about deleting such comments. This
is my blog and there is no freedom of speech here, as I strongly believe that
it is my right and responsibility to determine which comments get to stay, and
which should go. I don’t delete comments that might disagree with me but are a
legitimate part of the discussion, because I welcome these, especially if they give
me pause for thought. But I don’t want to expose readers to vitriol or
off-topic but hurtful comments, or completely misdirected promotions of “fertility
cures,” and I feel no guilt whatsoever deleting these comments.
Do you delete comments?
This sentence is just awesome: "This is my blog and there is no freedom of speech here". I feel 100 % the same.
ReplyDeleteI also gets lots of comments from surrogate clinics from India (all deleted) and some comments from - why don't you adopt - people (all deleted).
I also want my blog to be safe place for people, accepting childless life after infertility.
I filter and delete spam, but I must not be on the radar for many of the commenters you note above. I would delete though.
ReplyDeleteWhen spam appears, yes. If meanness (toward me or visitors) appears, yes.
ReplyDeleteI delete all of the spam comments too. As most of the people reading my blog are, I too am way past the "miracle cure" or ovulation test hawing part of my infertility journey.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if it's that I've been lucky, that I tend to not wander out of this little niche of the blogging community so I'm not well known, or that I haven't been at it that long (coming up on two years already though!), but I actually haven't encountered any mean, spiteful, or hurtful comments. I've always said that when I get the first mean comment will be when I enable comment moderation, and so far I haven't needed to. A few comments may have rubbed me the wrong way or I might not have completely agreed with, but those stay, because they contribute to the discussion.
I loathe the ads. It feels like they are singling me out to promote their product. So many of their comments are also insensitive. I'm sure bloggers with other diseases get some similar trolling and it makes me want to call for a general boycott.
ReplyDeleteAs far as other comments, I leave the ones that have a different view point from me. They are adding to the discussion. Trolls are an entirely different matter. Comments that are meant to silence or generally pick fights don't even get published. I've been fortunate to only encounter this a couple of times, but I have a similar policy about this not being a space for uncensored free speech. Especially since I don't consider trolls having any interest in thoughtful discussion.
So far (*knock on wood*) I haven't attracted that kind of attention on my blog, but I completely agree - I'd delete those comments as well.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes. I love "no freedom of speech here." It is your space and you are the master of this domain, so I think deleting comments is completely appropriate. I used to delete comments before I enabled comment moderation. It's there not so I can silence voices that respectfully oppose me, but to get rid of both the "I bought a fertility spell and have my family now!" comments that are really ads and traps for vulnerable people, but also my awful ex mother in law who has decided my blog is fascinating reading and likes to comment every now and again about my ex-husband's amazing family and what a good father he is, blah blah blah. I don't need her crapping up my space. I don't want her to have one second of time live on there. Otherwise, it's just the ads you mentioned. I've been lucky to not have anyone be outright mean to me from a fertility/adoption/not-inducing-lactation standpoint, but I have had people disagree...Disagreement yes, meanness no. I completely agree with your policy.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you - it's one thing to have a discussion or dialogue, a whole other thing to deal with trolls (who as far as I can tell have zero interest in empathy, discussion, or considering other points of view). So far, I haven't had to deal with a trolling comment on my blog, but I wouldn't hesitate to delete it if it came up.
ReplyDeleteSpam comments are their own issue...on good days, I can just roll my eyes or even sometimes wryly chuckle at some of them but on bad days, I've had the occasional one that hit me in a tender spot. Definitely something I delete.
Whoa!! So India is making (spoiling) her name in this area and these clinics are targeting people all around the world. You have all the rights to delete spam mails. This is your home and intruders shouldn't be allowed.
ReplyDeleteThank you for raising the subject. Being completely new in the blog world, I had not imagined this could happen (trolls yes, but not clinics trying to sell their "cure")... I would delete those comments, too.
ReplyDeleteI do. I did a two months ago. In fact, I stopped blogging for awhile because was feeling so defeated after that experience (the post that brought out cruel comments was called Is Adoption Better Today? -- if anyone is curious).
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't because of ads. It was because a few commenters came over reading only the headline, and were less-than-kind in their words toward other commenters and me. I was called a dictator for editing/deleting, and I wear the title proudly for the same reasons you state here.
I haven't really had to delete much (beyond spam), but my feeling is that just as I wouldn't allow someone to shit in my living room, I wouldn't allow someone to shit on my blog. There are places for defecation, and people should use appropriate spaces :-)
ReplyDeleteYes, I do delete comments whenever necessary. I chose to set my blogs so that anyone who tries to spam me by commenting on any older post will have to go through my approval first.
ReplyDeleteYes, I delete comments. I'm fortunate that I haven't had to do it too often. Most of the deletes have been obvious spam -- the Indian clinics & "I found a wonderful doctor/clinic who got me pregnant" type, etc. I have no qualms about doing so. My blog, my rules. :(
ReplyDeleteI totally delete comments. When I wrote more, I had to do it more frequently. But sometimes someone writes something nasty. I'm fine if they just share an opinion I don't hold. But, when they get mean, I'm not going to have it. As Loribeth said - my blog, my rules!
ReplyDelete