Memories, growth, and gratitude

17 years ago this week, I was learning all about ectopic pregnancies, about what it was to lose a pregnancy, about grief, about hospitals and Drs and nurses, and about dealing with emotions that I'd not had to face before - in fact, about emotions that I had never even imagined I would feel. A year later, at this time I was enjoying a happier experience of the first weeks of a pregnancy, but by the end of the month, those hopes too were dashed. My memories of these times are of overwhelming emotion. Another year later I was in shock, trying to realise that it was all over, and that I would never have children.

What I didn't expect though is that 15 years later I would be able to write about this without emotion, that I would think of my lost babies with love and not with sadness, and that I would have sympathy for the person I was then, and pride for how she recovered. I had no idea that I would have helped hundreds of women in a volunteering capacity, that I would have made friends all over the world as a result of my No Kidding, childless life, and that I would have created a small book that people were actually prepared to buy* with their hard-earned money!

It could be so easy to sit back and bemoan my fate all the time, as sadly I see some people doing in a social media group I have joined, but that would make me (and everyone around me) miserable, and would achieve nothing. Life moves on, we grow, we learn, and we heal, and I am very grateful for that.


* Thank you to those who have bought it - I hope it doesn't disappoint.