10 December, 2018

Memories, growth, and gratitude

17 years ago this week, I was learning all about ectopic pregnancies, about what it was to lose a pregnancy, about grief, about hospitals and Drs and nurses, and about dealing with emotions that I'd not had to face before - in fact, about emotions that I had never even imagined I would feel. A year later, at this time I was enjoying a happier experience of the first weeks of a pregnancy, but by the end of the month, those hopes too were dashed. My memories of these times are of overwhelming emotion. Another year later I was in shock, trying to realise that it was all over, and that I would never have children.

What I didn't expect though is that 15 years later I would be able to write about this without emotion, that I would think of my lost babies with love and not with sadness, and that I would have sympathy for the person I was then, and pride for how she recovered. I had no idea that I would have helped hundreds of women in a volunteering capacity, that I would have made friends all over the world as a result of my No Kidding, childless life, and that I would have created a small book that people were actually prepared to buy* with their hard-earned money!

It could be so easy to sit back and bemoan my fate all the time, as sadly I see some people doing in a social media group I have joined, but that would make me (and everyone around me) miserable, and would achieve nothing. Life moves on, we grow, we learn, and we heal, and I am very grateful for that.

* Thank you to those who have bought it - I hope it doesn't disappoint.


  1. I'm glad you've found peace on your path. Congratulations on the book!

  2. I think you have a really good attitude.

  3. Dear Mali, I am impressed by how peaceful you can look back on your story. I think you can be very proud of yourself! And you give hope to people like me who are halfway to going where you are.
    I wish you a very nice holiday season :)

  4. Beautiful example of overcoming the mother of all losses, Mali. You could cut and paste this into the comments section of my latest post. It fits perfectly into what my latest thinking about coming out of the darkness. xo

  5. Wow - congratulations! What an amazing project to complete. Love that you did this.

  6. I too am glad this is no longer the season of pain that it once was for you. <3 Sending (((hugs))) nevertheless.