17 December, 2018

My Tree

A number of the ornaments on my tree have real No Kidding meaning to me:

I have a silver angel that I bought after my second ectopic, and although it’s not my favourite ornament, but it always reminds me of my loss.

The carved wooden dolphin ornament sent by an ectopic friend from Canada, and although we’ve lost touch now, I always think of her and our losses.

I have a pohutukawa fairy, which I love because I love pohutukawa, but also at this time of year, I remember those blossoms in the trees through the hospital windows as I waited for ectopic #1 to be treated (17 years ago), and then later for ectopic #2 (16 years ago) to be diagnosed and treated.

The stockings I have in my Christmas decoration box, which I bought for my children and cousins to use, even before we began to try to conceive. I gave away some of them when I knew I would never have children, but there’s always a little twinge when I see the ones that are left.

The tree itself, because putting it up makes me think of Christmassy things, and Christmassy things for me are inextricably linked to my two pregnancies and subsequent losses at this season.

But my tree is also inextricably linked with the very best parts of my No Kidding life* too, and in loving my tree I have reclaimed Christmas, which is in itself a real gift.

* Click here to see why


  1. OMG I love this post.
    It conveys all growth and reflection you have done over the years.
    Wishing you so much love and happiness this season

  2. Dear Mali, thank you for your post. I had a similar idea while writing my last article, our tree is also a symbol :)
    I wish you very nice holidays!

  3. Love hearing about your tree!
    (And I would love to see photos sometime, if you wanted to share...!)

    A couple of my own tree-related posts: