I’ve written before about Hannah Gadsby’s special on Netflix
before.
But I didn’t include a comment that she made that has stayed with me. She was
talking about making jokes about herself, and why she wants to stop.
I’ve mentioned before - here, or perhaps as comments on another blog - that I don’t think that jokes about people without children are very funny. I was told, by members of the infertility community, that I had no sense of humour. What they – the women who were now raising their post-infertility children with their oh-so-hilarious senses of humour – failed to realise was that we, the No Kidding childless, are on the margins. Even as they laughed that childless women were "extraneous!" They failed to think that it isn’t funny for the minority to be laughed at by the majority. That they were happily, and willingly, humiliating us. Clearly, it still irks me!“Understand what self-deprecation means for someone who already exists in the margins. It’s not humility. It’s humiliation.”
So I think it’s worth stating again for those readers who have come out of infertility with children, or for
those who are reading this to learn more about those of us who don’t have
children. We get the jokes. We just don’t think they’re funny.
And perhaps again, to continue a recent theme, it is a reminder to me to think
before I tell jokes to someone or about someone, or even before I'm being self-deprecating about myself. Is this funny, or humiliation? Would I want someone suffering to hear this?
Agreed. It's not funny. Painful situations or conditions never are. Ever.
ReplyDeleteSo true, and a good litmus for jokes in general -- is it humor, or humiliation? Is it adding to marginalization? It amazes me how rampant infertility amnesia can be, and how quickly people can make the jokes they would have cringed at now that they are "on the other side."
ReplyDeleteOver my recovery, I watched Hannah Gadsby's show, and I just sat on the couch through the credits, absorbing it all. It was so, so powerful and not at all what I was expecting, but so important. I loved what she said about "My story needs to be heard."
Absolutely agree. Jokes about infertility, homosexuality, gender identiy, race, disabilities of any sort, .... not only not funny, also tasteless and crude and really really ugly.
ReplyDeletei agree 100%, they aren't funny and we shouldn't laugh at someone else's humiliation.
ReplyDeleteThere are way too many people nowadays who think it’s hilarious being offensive - because they don’t have the acumen to be authentically humorous, anyone perceived as different is deemed an easy target.
ReplyDeleteGrrrrr!
I respectfully disagree. One of the factors that helped me through infertility was keeping a sense of humour about it. My husband and I had many a grim laugh about the whole thing. The "999 reasons to laugh at infertility" was a Godsend.
ReplyDeleteThere's a difference between laughing at situations we are going through, and laughing at the people who are going through it. That's my point. Humiliation should not be the intent or outcome. I'm sure we've all laughed at some of the situations we've found ourselves in when going through this, and we still do.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great quote, and your post will have me thinking for awhile. About how I treat others and how I treat myself.
ReplyDeleteIs it humor or humiliation? Would I want someone suffering to hear this?
ReplyDeleteExcellent questions to ask myself before making a joke. So many jokes aren't funny. Thank you for the reminder!!