29 July, 2019

Speaking Out Revisited

Rather than not post at all, I thought it might be good to repost something I've written before, because frankly, I think I need a few reminders at the moment. Originally written three years ago as Speaking Out:
My name is Mali, and I have no children. I have no problem admitting this, and write openly about this fact, the issues around it, and my experiences both in terms of accepting that I could not have children, and in terms of embracing my life as a woman, not a mother.
Yet my name is not Mali, and I don’t publicise this blog to my wider group of friends and colleagues - though I expect I may do so one day - and I worry that this makes me a fraud.

The bottom line is that under my own name, I might be more hesitant, hoping to avoid both judgement and pity. What we write about, and why we write, can, unfortunately, be easily misconstrued, as I see sometimes in discussions with people who aren’t part of this community - even when they want to understand, they struggle.
But then I found this quote about speaking out and fear - born from different circumstances but no less relevant here - and my intentions for this space are renewed.


  1. Oh, I love that. It is always better to speak. A great reminder. Sending you a big squeezy hug, it sounds like you could use one. <3

  2. I look at all these longtime bloggers who have found their voice and blessed me by putting their words out here for me to ponder.

    I'm so glad you are willing to share your thoughts with me :-) And I'm glad you're giving yourself a reminder.

  3. Sending you some love and (((Hugs))) today. Your voice is important and meaningful to so many, and I am very glad you write here. Whether or not you use an alias does not matter. Your words do.

  4. dear Mali, I am very grateful for your writing and sharing your story with the world. With your help I accepted my childless life more easily. I can't imagine surviving the darkest years of my infertility without your blog.

  5. I am so glad you shared this! Because i share my blog with people i knowI am definitely more hesitant in how open i am. Who wrote the quote above? i can't make the name out.

    1. If you click on the photo, you get a higher resolution. It was Audre Lorde.

  6. Oh wow, great quote. Thank you for sharing! I blog anonymously and wouldn't write most of the stuff I write if I wasn't anonymous. I try to keep my life details general but still relatable. Maybe one day I will feel differently. I'm so thankful for everyone that blogs about life after infertility without children. Everyone has helped me so much--to not only press forward but to also rediscover moments of joy again.

  7. Dear Mali, you are one of the pioneer bloggers who helped me tremendously with my childlessness before I started writing myself. Speaking out is important. Thank you for that! I also don't blog under my real name. I have given this a lot of thought. I wanted to be able to write "from the open wound" and be candid about the most difficult things. Of course it must be easier to write "from the scar" a few years later. I would imagine that without all the personal things I have written on my blog, I would be able to give an interview under my real name now. But all my personal and raw stuff is already out there on the internet (and as far as I can see, the raw part makes it even more helpful to others), so I'm keeping my blog name ;-). Sending sunny greetings from Switzerland!