25 October, 2021

A No Kidding getaway, and an unrelated dilemma

Just a couple of things. First, I missed blogging last week basically because I forgot! But I forgot for very good, No Kidding reasons. My husband and I went away for a few days. We left on Sunday, staying overnight with friends, and so I hadn't even thought about my Monday blog. Then on Monday, we continued driving north for a few days in a lovely foodie region for my birthday. It's not a special birthday, but we decided to get out of the city for a change. Fbk reminded me that we do this, to the same region, about every six years. It seems that we've found the perfect spring destination. I've written about it here on A Separate Life

We decided to go relatively recently, because we could squeeze in the visit between the end of the October school holidays, and before the long weekend due to a public holiday today, so there were no families travelling, only singles and couples of various ages, making travel very easy. Then our friends over the hill asked us to stay on the way, which was the perfect start to a trip away, and we decided that only late last week. Their kids are adults, and so we could both be relatively spontaneous. We could have convinced them to come with us, except that one of them had to work. It's lovely being able to be "no kidding" with my parent friends whose kids are all grown and doing their own thing. 

The second thing is an issue which has me in a bit of a dilemma. The dilemma may not exist if I didn't have children, or at least, not to the same extent. I haven't even been able to discuss it with others, simply because I'm not sure anyone will understand, childless or not. Ironically, I think childfree people would in fact understand. Sigh. I also know one or two who read this blog who might not, so I'm going to be deliberately obscure. It's a dilemma because my husband and I want to set limits around our own lives. And even though we are pretty much in agreement, he is relaxed and comfortable with these limits, and I feel guilty. Even though I know that ultimately, if I don't set the limits, I will get stressed and feel resentful. But, of course, I feel guilty because I imagine (yes, here come the negative thoughts!) that others will judge me for this. Even though I think at least one of them would probably make the same decision. I feel guilty because I (see, it is all me!) imagine others saying that it is because we are childless. That we are selfish. That we'd be different if we had had children. Et cetera. You know the drill. 

There's a difference between banishing my own negative thoughts, and still caring about about what others think or say about me. Does that make sense? I want to be considerate. Yet I want to stand my ground too. After all, my life is still full, even if I don't have children. (Or a job! lol) And maybe if we had had children, we would have different limits. But that never happened. And ... I guess I shouldn't feel guilty about that. Progress? Maybe. I knew that writing this down might help. But now I just need to convince my psyche of that. Wish me luck!


  1. Luck!!!
    You need to live your lives for yourselves. NO GUILT. You faced your own losses and hardships and created your own lives and kept moving forward. With NO IDEA what or where the limits are I say if it injures no one and does not make you destitute you should go for it. And EXPLAIN your choices to NOONE. You two are your concerns and happiness is key.
    And, as I have no idea where and what the topic and limits are I hope you understand I intend my remarks to be supportive and to encourage you to deep six false guilt. Huge hugs.

  2. Very glad you were able to get away. We did the same recently and it was so fortifying to be out and in a different environment even for a few days. I hope we get more of the same and have the opportunity to join paths at some point. We have been collecting miles on an airline that flies to New Zealand, so fingers crossed for maybe 2023? It's good to have stretch goals.

    Ah, Mali, as for your dilemma! Life is a constant challenge of boundary setting isn't it? I wrestle with it all the time as our needs and demands on our time evolve and change. Feel free to email me if you want to elaborate further. Meanwhile, give yourself permission to do what brings you balance and peace.

  3. Ahhh boundaries....not an easy thing. I know I generally tend to have boundaries that are a bit too porous, at least in some areas. So when my instincts are calling on me to draw a line, I try to make extra effort to listen. Know thyself I guess is what I'm trying to say. Easier said than done! XO. PS This is Sarah by the way!

    1. Thanks, Sarah. I recognised your yoga pose! lol

  4. Glad you had a great trip! Happy belated birthday!!

    Thinking of you as you manage your dilemma. Even though I don't know what your situation is, I feel like I can relate. Wanting to maintain a boundary, not feeling great about it (yet!), but not feeling great about not maintaining it either... It's tough. Wishing you mental fortitude and peace of mind. <3