15 August, 2022

Sending some love

Bamberlamb posted today/yesterday (depending where in the world you are) giving an update on her life. She's having a rough time. It's hard when we can't help because we're so far away. But we can all go over and give her some support! She mentioned the difference of getting cancer treatment when you don't have family/children to be at appointments/chemo sessions with you. This is an example of some of the things that parents don't think about when they say, "we know what it is like not to have children." 

Of course, they think they know what it is like not to have children. They were childless too, in their 20s and 30s, so of course they know what it's like! Right? Wrong! Being young means (often) having fun, making mistakes, starting out, beginning careers, finding out what you're good at, how you want to live. Yes, you might not have children then, but it's not like most people then have even tried. It can be an exciting time. After all, your whole life is ahead of you. The possibilities seem endless.

Being childless post infertility is not like that. One of the major possibilities of our lives has been closed off. A huge part of the human experience - parenting our own children - has been closed off to us. We have come across one of the permanent "nevers" we have to deal with as we age. We have endured pain and loss. We have to negotiate a future we had not planned, and that we largely don't have any idea what it will bring. We may not have any role models. And we have to go through it all with our family and friends who - mostly - don't understand what we are going through. That's on a day-to-day level. It is so very different when we are going through some of life's most difficult challenges without children.

So my heart goes out to Bamberlamb, and Loribeth who is going through surgery today, and anyone who is reading this who is going through a hard time. It may not feel like it, but we're with you right now. Sending you all our love and courage and strength.



  1. You are such a good friend. And brilliant about having once had no children vs never getting to have children at all. Not the same.

  2. Thanks for this beautiful post. And what a perfect, spot on description of the difference between not having kids in your twenties before having them and not getting to have them at all in your forties, fifties and beyond. I'm bookmarking this one!

  3. Wishing you and all your readers courage, support, brilliant medical advice, joy.

  4. Excellent point! Sending (((hugs))) to Bamberlamb, along with you. And thank you for the love. I am doing pretty well, post-surgery, with lots of TLC from dh. I am very conscious that not everyone has kids OR a partner (let along a partner like him!) to give help and support at times like these. I am very grateful!