Being kind to others as well as yourself is something I've seen the No Kidding community struggle with for years and years. (I've listed previous posts on this issue at the bottom of this post, just before an admin note.) There's the feeling we can't reply to people the way we want to or stand up for ourselves in case we're considered to be rude. The idea that saying "no" to a question and not explaining ourselves might be rude. The idea that others can trample all over us and we would be rude to point that out, or that by putting a different point of view we are confrontational. The idea that by protecting ourselves we might not be a good friend. I've been quite disturbed by this at times. So I was really pleased to see a meme posted on social media the other day that pointed out all the things you can do and say and still be a kind person.
I've tried to find a credit for it, but can't. So I'm going to write my own No Kidding version.
You can be a kind person and still:
- Refuse to answer invasive questions
- Set boundaries, protect your heart, and say "no"
- Refuse to be ignored or sidelined simply because you don't have children
- Point out incorrect stereotypes or assumptions
- Be honest about your life
- Forgive yourself and, in time, others
- Defend yourself and your tribe
- Realise that putting yourself and your needs last helps no-one
A few relevant previous posts include:
Lastly, some admin: I've been having trouble commenting on any blogger
sites - including my own - for some reason. Sometimes I can't comment
even though I'm logged into blogger myself. Sometimes I can't comment
even with my name and URL. It comes and goes, and is frustrating. I'm
still reading though. Apologies if I've been silent on your blogs, or
if - like me - you are having difficulties commenting here.
Oh, that is lovely. It is frustrating to feel like taking care of yourself, especially at particularly vulnerable times, somehow makes you not a good friend. I had experience with that and felt eventually that perhaps I was just "too much work" for some friends. I think these reminders that you can be kind AND care for your own needs are much needed! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteEverything you say here is not only true but resonant. Saying "no" when it's necessary and true for you IS kindness, not its opposite. We can't give what we don't have, so kindness for self (knowing when to say no) is a precursor to kindness for others.
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