Monday Miscellany: An Ageing without Children Version

I recently saw someone posting on an ageing without children forum talking about their health and fitness regime as a means of protection for their old age. This wasn't the first time I've seen the argument for taking care of our health and staying as fit as we can for as long as we can. It's a good message, except when it is seen as a solution for the issues those of us without children face when we are old. It's so short-sighted. We can do everything right, and still fall ill. My mother and my in-laws and several friends are examples of healthy living and good exercise, and still being affected by poor health. None of us have total control over that. Things happen. We need to be prepared ... before it is too late! It’s always a good reminder for me to think about the changes needed to my lifestyle, and the timing of these changes, to prepare for infirmity. Of course, Inertia is a huge force for so many of us. I’m particularly vulnerable to it, and to its brother, Procrastination! But we can’t afford to leave it too late. Don't stick your head in the sand and think you'll never get old or sick!

Also, here’s a gripe about the person boasting about her healthy lifestyle. She was effectively humble bragging. and by implying that this is a potential solution comes dangerously close to blaming those who do have health problems. The ignorance of this! So many of us who have been through infertility understand that this attitude is not only incorrect and unfair, but harmful. Did I say anything on the aforementioned forum? No, I didn’t want them to feel I was criticising them. But maybe I should.

In another conversation with a friend who is childfree (by choice), she was bemoaning her husband’s unwillingness to adopt new technologies. He barely uses a smartphone. He doesn’t have children to help him, and he needs to be able to adapt. I’m already appalled at the way government agencies think that technology is the solution to everything, ignoring the fact that many of those who are now retired have spent much of their lives without relying on technology. Learning new things isn’t always easy as you get older, and retaining that information is difficult. I watched my FIL, an early adopter with a personal computer in his house from the 1980s. But by the time he was in his late 80s and early 90s, he was forgetting how to use this technology, let alone being able to update his knowledge. Coupled with loss of sight, he was reliant on us. My friend’s husband risks being left behind, finding himself in even more distress than he already is when he sees friends constantly reach for their phones!

Again, I hear people say that having children keeps you young. Maybe it does – parents know what music their kids are listening to, maybe what websites they’re checking out, etc. But they are so much more aware of the passage of time too. Whereas I don’t have children reminding me how old and out of touch I am! But, as I’ve mentioned before here I’m sure, the parents I know also rely on their kids to teach them about new technology. They’re not very good at adapting to life online, which is both our reality now, and almost definitely our futures. I’m regularly called on by a friend to help her figure out what she wants to do. (I recently had to explain substack after younger people were recommending it to her. “It’s nothing that new,” I said. “Essentially it’s just a blogging platform.”) She makes me feel younger - she’s 10 years younger than me anyway – and more connected!

Any Ageing without Children issues raised around you lately?