Elaine's latest post, highlighting an interview and other opportunities she has had as a result of her No Kidding status, blog, and life, has inspired me. She writes:
"... this newspaper article is one of the positive surprises of the “branch without a child.”"
I love this! Her comment also reminded me of all the opportunities I've had as a result of my No Kidding life. I've volunteered online, been to a function in the House of Commons in the UK, written in the Huffington Post, been interviewed by magazines and newspapers, and quoted on national radio from my essay in a published book. But still, a lot of that was scary! And if I'm honest, I sometimes feel odd about being proud of any small recognition I've had through articles, quotes, interviews, etc about my No Kidding life.
I think it's because I still struggle as being identified as a "childless woman." I have never wanted that as my identity - not for the obvious reason (ie, not wanting to be childless), but because I've always thought that I am so much more than my childless status. I know I would have felt the same if I had been a mother. After all, I have great role models - of all my friends who are mothers, none of them take "mother" as their sole identity. And so it has almost felt like a "cheat" to be considered a writer, or an author (albeit joint with 29 other people) of a book, when it has come from not having children. It's something I've fallen into, not something I've worked hard to achieve.
But that's the thing. I have, in fact, worked hard at this. Just without a real motivation other than figuring out my own thoughts, and helping people with theirs. Being childless IS part of my life, and I'm proud of how I've handled it, and what I have written about. If I'd written a travel book (still a possibility), I wouldn't have dismissed that simply because I was lucky enough to travel. It doesn't matter where I've found inspiration, or how I found my voice. My No Kidding writing is just as important, and just as much part of my life, as anything else. I need to own it!
The key, I think, is that not having children is part of my life, but it doesn't dominate it. Not any more, anyway. (It did in those early months/years that I wrote about last week!) I've absorbed it into my wider being, accepted it, embraced it, and travelled forward with it. And for the most part, travelled forward with it comfortably. I like thinking about it like that.
Thanks, Elaine! (This first photo is for you.)
The key, I think, is that not having children is part of my life, but it doesn't dominate it. "
ReplyDeleteSo much this. I had found that dominating my life in 2012-2019, and now I find my life more than being a childless individual.
Thank you so much, Mali <3!
ReplyDelete"And so it has almost felt like a "cheat" to be considered a writer, or an author (albeit joint with 29 other people) of a book, when it has come from not having children. It's something I've fallen into, not something I've worked hard to achieve." I find that interesting, and I think I understand it, too. I feel similar.
And yet, I want to object, since I DO think that you have worked hard. You may not have had the goal of publishing an essay in a book, you may not have studied literature etc. in order to be published later on in life, BUT (and that is a big one, I think) you have practiced writing very regularly. This IS work! I know it is a practice you have kept up because it may have been beneficial to you. You may also have found meaning in being present for other women walking a similar path a few years later. Still, if you look at how many post you have published, how many texts you have written over the years, it is a lot. And it is work. I think it should count :-).
Much love from Switzerland!
PS: I want to add one thing. What I find strange is that, because I keep my blog anonymous (my parents, siblings and most friends know nothing about it), they also do not know about the recent newspaper article or the portrait in the book or the podcast. I know my parents would be interested in it, and I also know they would be proud of me. Yet, I am selfish enough to keep this to myself. It does feel strange to lead this part of my life that separately or in secret from them, and I wonder if others have gone through a similar experience?
ReplyDelete