Pearl asked on my last post "If I stop right now and decide I can try to move on, will I regret it a few years from now? "
I can't of course answer that. I firmly believe that for most of us, we will know when it is time for the decision that is right for us. I didn't have a choice to stop trying to conceive - my IVF clinic told me/us to stop. But I/we didn't then look at donor egg, or fostering, or adoption. That was our choice. We drew a line and said "enough." I won't say I have never wondered if we made the right decision. But most of the time, I know it was the right decision for us. I don't regret it, and in fact, as time moves on, I am less and less likely to regret. And I'm not the only one.
Example 1: Over the weekend, my husband and I were roped into babysitting our adorable 3 year old niece while her parents attended a wedding. At the end of the evening, my exhausted husband looked across the chaotic room covered in Lego/books/blocks/half a chocolate marshmallow Santa, and said "maybe we should be glad we don't have children." He was kind of joking, but not really.
Example 2: Chatting with a friend who went through pregnancy losses about the same time I did, she commented recently "you know, I look back and think that maybe we were lucky we didn't get what we wanted."
I think our brains are amazing at convincing us that we make the right decisions. They stop us regretting the choices we make. I think we are wired to believe our choices are right, and to like or at least accept the lives we have. It is perhaps a version of Stockholm syndrome. If we don't, won't or can't adjust to our new realities, we will be miserable. It's called survival.