2. My niece stayed with us for the weekend, and we had fun together, watching her favourite Youtube videos (she enjoyed introducing her favourite host to us), baking, going to the museum, cycling around the harbour, and going to a movie.
3. We went for sushi (her favourite lunch) after the movie Storks, and as we chatted about it, my husband surprised me by saying, “if only storks really did deliver babies, then we could have had one.” There’s my warning – beware the ouch moments if you’re going to watch the movie.
4. I heard a comedienne talking on the radio this morning, talking about a miscarriage, and saying, “no-one talks about miscarriage, but when I mention ours, all these people who have experienced them come out of the woodwork, so we should talk about them more.”
5. Different Shores recently wrote an excellent post about the limbo of infertility and the need to take back her life, and it reminded me of the years when I had to travel internationally for business when I felt that my life was on hold - I couldn’t plan for events or outings with friends or family much in advance, in case I had to be away - and how that ran for several years, then overlapped for several more years with infertility and loss (absences don’t help when you’re trying to conceive!), and then eventually the limbo of infertility took over. Just before my final IVF, I remember thinking about what life might be like afterwards if we didn’t get pregnant, thinking that I might finally get my life back and be able to plan and look forward again, and (for a short time) I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and freedom. Whilst I wasn't able to get out of limbo during infertility, it helped to remember how good that relief felt for that very short time, and to know that there was something good waiting for me at the end.
dear Mali,
ReplyDeleteI am very happy that your mojo for life is back!
And I am happy to see that your mojo for blogging is back; it is lovely to start a new day by reading 6 comments from you.
lots of love from sLOVEnia,
Klara
Yay for mojo!! And it sounds like the visit with your niece was a lovely one.
ReplyDeleteHi Mali thanks so much for mentioning my limbo post. It's funny you should say that you felt that temporary overwhelming sense of relief and freedom when you thought about what life might be like after that final IVF if you didn’t get pregnant. I felt the same sensation when we decided to stop all treatment completely - I thought it meant I was OK, but it was also temporary, a strange elation in reaction to the decision. It fizzled away into a horrible slump where I felt like I'd totally lost my mojo. But recently I had the distinct feeling (slowly and surely, as opposed to the fake euphoria I felt when I stopped IVF) that I was coming out of the slump and getting my groove back - as with you, I couldn't point to any real evidence as such, but it has proved to be true.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are getting yours back. I think after the hard work is mostly 'over', it definitely does come back.
Hope that makes sense, I seem to always be leaving comments at 5pm at work, the worst part of the afternoon!
The visit with your niece sounds lovely. And I really liked your point #5. Limbo is so hard. Getting out of it IS a relief.
ReplyDeleteWoohoo for the return of the mojo! I feel your relief piece in the limbo. I hope to exit the limbo one way, but I am at a point where it will be a relief no matter how I end this journey...which also makes me feel guilty. Hmmm. Oh man, you saw Storks? I saw the trailer and was immediately positive that it was NOT going to be the movie for me. I'm glad you had a good visit with your niece, though. And hooray for people normalizing these experiences so they're not so hush hush anymore.
ReplyDelete